IT WAS PITIFUL TO SEE # 3

 

It was pitiful to see the calibre

Of the new fast-tracked inspector

I would say he was about as much use

As rubber lips on a woodpecker

THE TRAFFIC COP STOPPED A TRUCK

 

The traffic cop stopped a truck

And told the driver that his wife

Had fallen out of the back, and

As a result the woman lost her life

The driver though was not bereft

But relieved he hadn’t gone deaf

THE FELINE ESTABLISHMENT

 

An important element of

The Feline establishment

Is the Cat Constabulary

Known as Claw enforcement

LOW TECH POLICING

 

The police have now been issued, with pencils

And very thin sheets of paper, all very low tech,

It’s a brand-new initiative being rolled out, so that

When crimes occur, they can trace the suspect

IT’S A FAIR COP

 

A traffic cop pulled over a young speeding motorist

And the impulse to be smug Proved too hard to resist

The young man wound down his window without delay 

Then the cop said "I've been waiting for you all day,"

The chance for a funny response was just too good

The boy replied "Well I got here as fast as I could."

The cop fell about laughing “Son you’ve made my day”

In fact he laughed so much he sent the boy on his way

HE SURVIVED MUSTARD GAS IN BATTLE

 

He survived mustard gas in battle,

He was pepper sprayed by a policeman

And the result of those traumatic events

He was rendered a seasoned veteran

THE TRAFFIC COP STOPPED A TRUCK

The traffic cop stopped a truck

And told the driver that his wife

Had fallen out of the back, and

As a result the woman lost her life

The driver though was not bereft

But relieved he hadn’t gone deaf

A PARROT SAT ON A CUSTODY CHAIR

 

A Parrot sat on a custody chair

And continually prattled on

In fact he sang like a canary

So he was a real Stool Pigeon

THE BOYS

 

The Police arrested two kids

One was drinking battery acid,

The other was eating fireworks.

No doubt a right pair of Berks

Now this is true though you may scoff

They charged one and let the other one off.

TRAFFIC COP – DO YOU KNOW?

“Do you know why I pulled you over?”

The cop asked me like a typical fuzz

“No officer I don’t, I hope you do, 

I think it’s important that one of us does”

TRAFFIC COP – I’M SORRY

 

When the police caught me speeding

My eyes were strained and blinking

I was pulled over by a putz

 

Who said “Your eyes look red,

Have you been drinking?”

So with no ifs or buts

 

“Your eyes look glazed”

I responded without thinking

“Have you been eating doughnuts?”

TRAFFIC COP – DON’T BE TOO CLEVER

Sometimes you can talk

Your way out of a ticket

A little bit of charm

Is probably the safest bet

Humour can work as well

Don’t say to the men in blue

“That's great the last cop

Only gave me a warning too”

TRAFFIC COP – DON’T BE TOO FUNNY

 

Sometimes you can talk

Your way out of a ticket

A little bit of charm

Is probably the safest bet

Humour can work as well

So, say to the men in blue

“You don’t need to check

In the boot do you?”

TRAFFIC COP – STOPPED FOR SPEEDING

 

When a cop stopped me for speeding

They fined me one hundred pounds

“I was only trying to keep up with traffic”

But the traffic officer stood his ground

Then he look at me and responded

“But there are no other cars around”

“I know” I said “I was doing a hundred

And I was still losing ground

TRAFFIC COP – AVOID ANY REFERENCE

Sometimes you can talk

Your way out of a ticket

A little bit of charm

Is probably the safest bet

Humour can work as well

Providing you’re careful

And avoid any reference

To the Village People

TRAFFIC COP – I’M SORRY OFFICER

 “I have to book you” the Officer said

“In the hope that you won’t do it again sir”

“No, it won’t happen again” I said

“As I won’t forget to plug in my radar detector” 

TRAFFIC COP – I’M SORRY

 

“I’m sorry” the Officer said

“That I have to give you a ticket sir”

“I’m sorry too” I said “That I forgot

To plug in my radar detector”

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF A MUMMY

 

The disappearance of a mummy

Was investigated by Inspector Grace

And with his years of experience

He soon wrapped up the case

TRAFFIC COP – HOLD IT

 

When the police pulled me over

The reason wasn’t exactly clear

It could have been the speeding

That caused the police to appear

Or running several red lights

Or my complete inability to steer

Any of the above would have done it

Of that I am perfectly clear

But what I said to the officer

Was what really swung it I fear

“I can easily reach my license

If you would hold my beer”

SPEEDING TICKET

 

Bimbette was stopped for speeding

When asked to produce her license

She launched into a tirade of abuse

“This doesn’t make any bloody sense”

When the officer calmed her down

He asked Bimbette to explain

“Well, you only took it away yesterday

And now you want to see it again”