Are you wearing glitter?
On your down below
You’re all blinged up
Where only I should go
Your vajayjay been vajazzled
You’ve decked your
minge
It looks like a disco
ball
You might as well say
blinge
Are you wearing glitter?
On your down below
You’re all blinged up
Where only I should go
Your vajayjay been vajazzled
You’ve decked your
minge
It looks like a disco
ball
You might as well say
blinge
Are you wearing a hairnet?
You work at a baker’s
shop I bet
I have a favourite
Bakery
Where I find my
favourite pastry
I particularly love
baps and buns
The baker’s daughter
has nice ones
If your blind date is described to you
As “Well Educated” the
choice is yours
It will probably be
worse than it sounds
And means they had sex with all their tutors
Are you wearing that?
That’s what you’re
wearing?
Seriously? It’s a
little brief
Oh, it’s certainly
daring
Will it turn any
heads?
Oh yes, you’ll have
them staring
And if that’s all you
wear
Everything will get an
airing
If your blind date is described to you
As an “Adventurer”
then it depends
But it’s probably
worse than it sounds
And they’ll have sex
with all your friends
If your blind date is described to you
As “Thoughtful” it’s
not the best start
As their
thoughtfulness will only extend
To saying "Excuse
me" when they fart
Are you wearing this?
What could be wrong?
Absolutely nothing
In fact nothing sums
it up
There’s nothing to it
It covers nothing
And it leaves nothing
To the imagination
I don’t like strippers
Pouting erotically
Bumping and grinding
Doesn’t do it for me
Nor Pole dancers
Going at it
athletically
Lap dancing likewise
Doesn’t do it for me
Watching women undress
That does do it for me
Providing of course
I can find a suitable
tree
Are you wearing dungarees?
I think they are
really nice
You should wear them
more often
That would be my
advice
Because I can strip
you down
To your Knicks in a
trice
I noticed her immediately
As I entered the bar
The girl in the Peony
red
And playing about her
lips
There was an
acquiescent smile
Which was aimed my way
But I didn’t return it
And let it pass me by
She wasn’t my type
after all
I’m quite fussy that
way
But I did cast a
glance
In the general
direction
Of the eager entourage
of
Drooling men
surrounding her
Feeding off her raw
sexuality
And as I watched the mermaid
Surrounded by a pack
of sharks
I realized that I had
misread
The smile she sent my
way
It wasn’t my company
she sought
But my help she
desired
She looked like a
movie starlet
Cornered by the
paparazzi
So, I rescued the
damsel
And since that day
We have been best
friends
I am by no means perfect, but my wife
Has a particularly
dirty habit
Which she won’t like
me mentioning
As it involves a
rampant rabbit
Are you wearing a nightgown?
A subtle shade of
light brown
You look sad in your
nightgown
You even have a slight
frown
Let me grab your
nightgown
A subtle shade of
light brown
And pull it quickly
right down
And I’ll remove that
slight frown
Are you wearing crushed velvet?
Our curtains are a
similar shade of anisette
I would like to be
amidst the folds of velvet
Could I have a peak
beneath the pelmet?
It’s a sure sign you have lost
Your sex appeal for
certain
When your
gynaecologist
Won’t examine you in
person
My brother has a wandering eye
He’s been that way
since birth
Not surprisingly I
suppose
He now lives in Letchworth
It’s a sure sign you have lost
Your sex appeal for
certain
When the local peeping
tom
Chooses to close your
curtain
An old man was at the doctors
“I have a question you
may think silly
Well after my wife and
I have sex,
I'm usually cold and
chilly
But then, after the
second time
I'm usually hot and
sweaty"
The doc replied “Well
that is strange
Let’s discuss it with
Betty”
The doctor repeated
the tale
And she replied with
disgust
"The first time
is in January
And the second is in
August"
Are you wearing a Halloween Jumper?
Well, its contents are
rather bumper
The skeleton motive I
should mention
Is not needed to
attract my attention
“The man goes on top and the woman underneath”
That was my sex
education as my mother said
So, as we were very
naïve back then, so for the first
Three years of marriage
we slept in bunk beds
Are you wearing a Halloween sweater?
It’s a bit cute and pretty
in my view
So, if you don’t mind
my saying so
You’re not a proper witch,
are you?