A QUESTION OF HEALTH

 

If you stopped taking exercise

When you got your first TV remote

And you haven’t eaten lettuce

Since Maggie Thatcher got the vote

If you haven’t seen your feet

Since you were at primary school

And you think that a microwave

Is actually a power tool

If you think that alcohol

Is itself a food group

And you eat more crispy croutons

Than you do low calorie soup

If you answered yes

To any part of this questionnaire

Then someone is reading this

Too you in intensive care

A GOOD EXERCISE

 

Exercise is a good thing

Pushing your body physically

It can take many forms

I like cycling particularly

I like golf and swimming

I like long walks, especially

When they are taken by
People who annoy me

KEEP FAT

My wife keeps telling me

I must get fit you see

I tell her I am already in shape

Because Round IS a shape

MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION

 

My New Year’s resolution

And my reasoning is sound

And that is to get in shape,

In the end, I chose round

DO LAZY PEOPLE EXERCISE

 

Do lazy people exercise?

I happen to think probably not

But if they did something

It would be a Diddly-squat

I HAVE STARTED TO DO EXERCISE

 

I have started to do exercise,

But I am taking it slower

By only doing a gentle jog

Between the fridge and the sofa

HUMEROUS HAIKU # 5

 

I tuck my knees in

To my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll

MY FRIEND GOT A PERSONAL TRAINER

 

My friend got a personal trainer

And trained with him for a while

Starting a year before his wedding

So I questioned the length of the aisle

WHAT IS YOUR EXCERSISE REGIME?

 

“What is your exercise regime?”

I was asked by my new personal trainer

I said if I already had a regime

I wouldn’t need a personal trainer

OUT OF REACH

A total lack of fitness

Is among my many woes

But I’m sure if God intended me

To repeatedly touch my toes

I think he would have put them

On my knees or elbows

KEEP FAT

I’ve just seen myself in the mirror
And it’s clear I need to get thinner
But if I join a gym they tell me
I will feel the benefits immediately
Their fitness plan like as not
Will take me from shot to hot
From porker to corker
From chunk to hunk
From duff to buff
But in order for me to see my toes
I just need to pay them through the nose
So rather than try to get thinner
I will just stop looking in the mirror