I would like to un-invent the aeroplane
It has shrunken the world too much
You can fly to Sydney the same day
But so can so and so or such and such
Package tours take you far and wide
Everywhere you go you just despair
From Niagara Falls to Chinas great wall
Ryan and Kylie have beaten you there
Exclusive travelling has gone forever
Cheap package tours have ruined it
We all have to go third class together
In the classless society we now inhabit
Once we could dine with polite company
On the finest cuisine we could imagine
Now we must dine with the hoi palloi
And burgers and chips are quite routine
Once we’d dine with the Cooper-Smythes
Lunching on sandwiches of cured ham
Now we dine with a toothless Geordie
And a tattooed tart from Birmingham
Discerning travelers took ocean liners
Long sea journeys kept away the dross
And if anyone should forget their place
The offender overboard you could toss
The more difficult the journey there was
Made the getting their more worth while
The more luxurious the journey there was
Meant it was done in a little more style
Now we must crowd into third class seats
In our hundreds on these charter flights
To various destinations both near and far
On cheap package tours for fourteen nights
Once when you stepped upon the shore
A native girl placed a lei over your head
Now no welcoming committee meets you all
Just flip flop clad fat blokes there instead
I would like to un-invent the aeroplane
Now you can fly for just a few bucks
Please don’t think that I’m just a snob
But the global village idea really sucks
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