THE PLANE TRUTH

 

I would like to un-invent the aeroplane

It has shrunken the world too much

You can fly to Sydney the same day

But so can so and so or such and such

 

Package tours take you far and wide

Everywhere you go you just despair

From Niagara Falls to Chinas great wall

Ryan and Kylie have beaten you there

 

Exclusive travelling has gone forever

Cheap package tours have ruined it

We all have to go third class together

In the classless society we now inhabit

 

Once we could dine with polite company

On the finest cuisine we could imagine

Now we must dine with the hoi palloi

And burgers and chips are quite routine

 

Once we’d dine with the Cooper-Smythes

Lunching on sandwiches of cured ham

Now we dine with a toothless Geordie

And a tattooed tart from Birmingham

 

Discerning travelers took ocean liners

Long sea journeys kept away the dross

And if anyone should forget their place

The offender overboard you could toss

 

The more difficult the journey there was

Made the getting their more worth while

The more luxurious the journey there was

Meant it was done in a little more style

 

Now we must crowd into third class seats

In our hundreds on these charter flights

To various destinations both near and far

On cheap package tours for fourteen nights

 

Once when you stepped upon the shore

A native girl placed a lei over your head

Now no welcoming committee meets you all

Just flip flop clad fat blokes there instead

 

I would like to un-invent the aeroplane

Now you can fly for just a few bucks

Please don’t think that I’m just a snob

But the global village idea really sucks