A Little Bit Of Humour # 89

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 363

How many miles to Babylon?
Are measured in the blood
Of the innocents

ARE YOU WEARING A DENIM SKIRT?

Are you wearing a denim skirt?
Whether it’s in fashion or not
If you don’t mind me being bold
You manage to make it look hot

IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 11

If your blind date is described to you
As “Young at heart” it’s just a trick
Read between the lines and see they’re
Trying to fob you off with some old geriatric

WHENEVER WE ARGUE

Whenever we argue
You cry without fail
Has no one ever told you
Crying is blackmail

MONEY MAY NOT INDEED BE THE KEY

Money may not indeed be the key
To happiness, but
If you have enough money you can
Have your own key cut

WHY CAN'T YOU RUN THROUGH A CAMP?

Why can't you run through a camp?
Because that would cause grammatical offence
You cannot run through a camp at all
It would obviously “be ran” because it's past tents

I’VE BEEN DOING A SELF-HELP COURSE

I’ve been doing a self-help course
But it hasn’t helped a bit
I’ve attended all the classes
And read the literature, which is shit
I can’t build myself a mountain
Or catch rainbows and such,
I’m better off at home watching telly
And it doesn’t cost so much

MY GRANDDAD WON’T EAT BROWN BREAD

My granddad won’t eat brown bread
Because he doesn’t have to anymore
When he was a boy his whole family
Had to eat it because they were poor

WHEN POLICE SEARCHED THE HOME

When Police searched the home
Of Cliff Richard, and were to seize
A very large amount of material
Because they were led to believe
There was a link to Yew Tree
And they found among the amalgam
To their complete and utter disgust
That he was releasing a new album

THE FIRST TESTICULAR PROTECTION

The first testicular protection
Known as a "box" was introduced
In 1874
Whereas the first cranial protection
Known as a “helmet” was introduced
In 1974
So it only took a hundred years
For Cricketers to figure out the score
That balls shouldn’t be more
Important than brains anymore

BATSMEN WEAR A PROTECTIVE BOX

Batsmen wear a protective box
In order to ensure
That the bowler cannot
Rearrange his furniture

ESKIMO FISHERMEN

Eskimo fishermen sat shivering in their kayak
So they lit a fire in the craft to warm the two
And it immediately sank, proving once and for all
That you can't have your kayak and heat it too