21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 362
Are you sleeping, are you sleeping,
Brother John? Brother John?
Your alarm is buzzing,
Your alarm is buzzing
Wake up John, Wake up John
ARE YOU WEARING A PLASTIC MAC?
Are you wearing a plastic Mac?
It’s a very practical garment
But wearing it over your clothes
Was the garments original intent
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 10
If your blind date is described to you
As “A Good Listener” don’t go all romantic
Because it will be worse than it sounds
And they’ll be Borderline Autistic
LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 8
Is there anything more annoying?
If I had my way it would be a crime
Those people who point at their wrist
While they are asking for the time
MAMIL IS AN ACRONYM
MAMIL is an acronym
For “Middle Aged Men In Lycra”
I have to confess that’s not the word
I use for an old peddle cycler
I REMEMBER WELL THAT FATEFUL DAY
I remember well that fateful day
When I read of the evils of drinking
And so shocked was I that I decided
On that very spot to give up reading
HER GRANDSON WAS AT UNIVERSITY
Her grandson was at university
And wrote he was learning Judo
Why a Christian boy would want
To convert she just didn’t know
MY ONCE SWEET WIFE HAS BECOME MEAN
My once sweet wife has become mean
And short tempered thanks to the menopause
I try to be sympathetic but on her really bad days
I think it’s more like the mental pause
IF THE ADVICE FOR A MAN WHO HAS LOST
If the advice for a man who has lost
Interest in sex is to see a doctor
What would the advice be if
The sufferer is actually a doctor?
I WAS JUST SITTING THERE IN THE PARK
I was just sitting there in the park
And wondered why absentmindedly
The Frisbee was getting bigger
And bigger and then it hit me
I CAN’T QUITE REMEMBER HOW
I can’t quite remember how
To throw a boomerang now
But then eventually
It came back to me
A CHICKPEA AND A LENTIL
A chickpea and a lentil, what is
The difference between that brace?
It’s simple really because no one
Ever paid to have a lentil on their face
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