A Little Bit Of Humour # 83

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 357

Did you ever see a lassie?
A lassie, a lassie?
I’m not sure terms of endearment
Of that kind are strictly PC

ARE YOU WEARING A DENIM SHIRT?

Are you wearing a denim shirt?
Well if I may be so bold
Whether it’s in fashion or not
You manage to make it look old

IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 5

If your blind date is described to you
As “passionate and beautiful” don’t try her
Because in all probability she’ll be
A Sloppy drunk and a pathological liar

LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 3

Is there anything more annoying? As when
You want to use a word but can’t spell it
And fail to look it up in the dictionary
Because you don't know how to spell it

DIETING TIP # 9

Things licked off knives and spoons,
Which can be any soupcon or delicacy,
During the process of preparation
Are absolutely devoid of calories

FOGHORN LEGHORN AND ALL HIS PALS # 2

Foghorn leghorn and all his pals
Have all chosen to assemble
Their very own chicken choir
Which is called a Hensemble

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

I don’t know what to do
About all the sex, nudity,
Foul language and violence
On my DVD

CHOCOLATE BUTTONS

Chocolate buttons have always
Struck me as being rather rude
You may think it strange but
After all they’re Smartie’s in the nude

A COUPLE OF WOMEN

A couple of women
Live next door to me
One is middle-aged
And teaches PE
The other a social worker
In her mid-twenties
They go everywhere together
If you please
And I’ve never seen a man
Either enter or leave
I’m beginning to think
That they might be Lebanese

BEING FROM AN ARMY FAMILY I DREADED

Being from an army family I dreaded
Being invited to the officer’s mess
Because I’d have one too many margarita’s
And it always ends in distress

WHEN I SUGGESTED YOU NEEDED PROTECTION

When I suggested you needed protection
I wasn’t meaning you needed a condom
I was merely wondering if you happened
To have a suitable raincoat to put on

I WAS ALMOST DROWNED

I was almost drowned
Just a few miles from shore
And my life passed before my eyes
God it was a total bore