A Little Bit Of Humour # 86

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 360

There they go round the mulberry bush,
Showing there bush,
Showing there bush,
There they go round the mulberry bush,
On a cold and frosty morning

ARE YOU WEARING A STOVEPIPE HAT?

Are you wearing a Stovepipe Hat?
Its height certainly exceeds
Are you trying to look taller?
Well a very wise man heeds
That any man is only as tall
As the sum of his deeds

IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 8

If your blind date is described to you
As “Professional” then start to twitch
Because it will be worse than it sounds
And she will definitely be a Certified Bitch

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN REALLY LOST HIS TEMPER

Frosty the snowman really lost his temper
And his behaviour was an absolute disgrace
He kept going on about an aggressive carrot
And he kept saying "just get out of my face"

LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 6

When you’re only browsing
In a department store
Five different sales people
Sometimes even more
Pestering and prying and
Asking if they can assist you
But when you need a one
There’s never one in view

WHEN YOU HAVE TEENAGERS

When you have teenagers
The more elaborate the excuse
The greater the likelihood
That it’s not actually the truth

THE ART OF MODERN MEDICINE

The art of modern medicine
Consists by varying degrees
Of keeping the patient amused
While nature cures the disease

IT’S BEEN TWENTY FIVE YEARS

It’s been twenty five years
Since the day she said “I do”
Almost as long as when
I said to her “you’re not are you?”

WHEN YOU ARE IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP

When you are in a long term relationship
On Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries
Your normally rational other halves
Turn into fire breathing adversaries
And those once happy and joyous occasions
Become life and death quests to test us
To see if we can find the perfect present
And that goes double for Christmas

I DON’T LIKE STRIPPERS

I don’t like strippers
Pouting erotically
Bumping and grinding
Doesn’t do it for me
Nor Pole dancers
Going at it athletically
Lap dancing likewise
Doesn’t do it for me
Watching women undress
That does do it for me
Providing of course
I can find a suitable tree

I’VE BEEN INVITED TO GO AND SEE

I’ve been invited to go and see
Pole dancing and I’m rather keen
The last time I was only ten
And it was on the village green

MY DAD JOINED THE NAVY

My Dad joined the Navy
To see the world
And get out and about
But once he’d seen it
He wasn’t impressed
And wanted to get out