A Little Bit Of Humour # 9

mARE YOU WEARING SEVEN INCH HEELS?

Are you wearing seven inch heels?
As you’re tottering down the street
But don’t you feel silly standing
Six foot two in your stocking feet

AT DR DOOLITTLE’S ANIMAL CLINIC

At Dr Doolittle’s animal clinic
The Animals do the lot
The chief vet is a Labrador
Assisted by a dog called spot

But it’s not a cheap option
With extra charges of all sorts
For PET scans and Polly grams
Cat scans and Lab reports

THE WILDLIFE DOWN UNDER

The wildlife down under
Includes the Wallabies
But if truth be known they’re
Just Kangaroo Wannabies

IN THE EUROPEAN FORESTS

In the European forests
The wild boar can be vicious
But it’s worth the risk
As they’re bloody delicious

FOOD SCANDAL

The best thing to result
From the food scandal by far
Is that they can now call off
The search for Shergar

GERIATRIC DOCTOR

The Doctor on the geriatric ward
Placed his stethoscope
On the chest of an elderly patient
By the name of Mrs Hope

She was quite a bit deaf
So he said “big breaths,” loudly
“Well Doctor they used to be,”
Mrs Hope replied proudly

ARE YOU WEARING BREAST TIGHTENING SERUM?

Are you wearing breast tightening serum?
No of course there is no disgrace
But I do think I should point out
That you don’t put it on your face

MY WIFE AND I ARE INSEPARABLE

My wife and I are inseparable
Do you want to know why?
Because if either of us went away
We would have to kiss goodbye

MY DEAR WIFE SAID TO ME

My dear wife said to me
“I hate you when you’re drunk Stephen”
I replied, “Well I hate you
When I’m sober so that makes us even”

MOBILE COMMUNICATION 2013

“I want to buy a mobile phone,
No I don’t want a camera,
Not even video,
No I don’t want movie down loads
Screensaver’s, internet access,
Or downloads of any kind
I don’t want WAP or WiFi
G3, G4 or G5
I don’t need 100 ringtones
10000 free minutes
Or unlimited texts at weekends
I don’t need a I GB data allowance
I don’t want to play games
I don’t need an MP3 player
I don’t want a tracker,
I neither want nor need
Blue tooth
Sharks tooth
Hounds tooth
Or dog tooth.
I do not require the world at my fingertips.
In short, what I want is a device
To make and receive phone calls
And to send and receive texts
I just want to buy a BLOODY PHONE”
“Thank you that one will be perfect
Does it have a torch?”

FOOD SCARE

I have just found out
That in the meals I buy
That there is sea horse
In my fisherman’s pie

MY PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE

My philosophy of life
Is a simple one
I recommend you try it,
You’ll be glad

Love the people
Who treat you right
Pray for the ones
Who treat you bad

TAKING THE CHERRY

The Cherry Ripe bar
I have so far concluded
As one of your five a day
May definitely be included

FATHER’S DAY

Don’t forget dad on Father’s Day
A bottle of something I think
And just remember that it is you
That drives him to drink

HARE OF THE DOG

I need a bit of a pick me up
After a very boozy lunch
A “hare of the dog” is the thing
After too much Rabbit Punch