WHY DID THE DIVORCEE CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the divorcee cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could avoid another bride
WHEN I HAD MY VERY FIRST GARDEN
When I had my very first garden
It filled me with absolute terror
I didn’t have any experience
But I learnt by trowel and error
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 368
Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,
Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,
He goes to the doctor without hesitation
And four hours later has a penis extension
ARE YOU WEARING ODD SOCKS? # 3
Are you wearing odd socks?
Well it’s not quirky or hipster
And I don’t think it was your intent
I think you must have dementia
THE PLURAL OF FOOT
So if it is correct that
The plural of foot is feet
Then why is the plural of boot,
Boots and not beet
IT IS A SAD FACT OF LIFE THAT IF # 2
It is a sad fact of life that if
There is a worse time, when
Something can go wrong
Of course it will happen then
IF CLERGYMEN CAN BE DEFROCKED # 2
If clergymen can be defrocked
Then can dry cleaners get de-pressed
Or must songwriters be de-composed
And hair stylists get dis-tressed?
WHEN THE PRINCESS FOUND THE FROG
When the princess found the frog
And the kiss was firmly planted
The prince turned out to be gay
And the Princess was disenchanted
BIMBETTE IS NOT THE BRIGHTEST
Bimbette is not the brightest
And living with her is very hard
In fact she’s the reason
The gene pool needs a lifeguard
I MADE MY GIRL BIMBETTE
I made my girl Bimbette
Really laugh on Saturday
The only problem is I told
Her the joke on Wednesday
MEN LIKE LOGIC AND SEX
Men like logic and sex
In fact they really like it
But sex better than logic
Though I can't prove it
PUT DOWN # 59
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he says “you are the sun and the moon”
Simply don’t be taken in by it
And just say “I may love to shop
But I'm not buying your bullshit”
BIMBETTE SAYS SHE CAN COUNT TO SEVENTY
Bimbette says she can count to seventy
But I think that’s very doubtful
Because in my experience she always
Finds sixty nine a bit of a mouthful
SOME PEOPLE ARE UP BEAT
Some people are up beat
And see life as a positive
But I was born to be a pessimist
Even my blood type is B Negative
MY SON JOKES ABOUT MY AGE # 1
My son jokes about my age
His humour is very droll
He says that my first passport
Was written on a scroll
Wednesday 11 May 2016
A Little Bit Of Humour # 117
WHY DID THE BIGAMIST CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the bigamist cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could get to the other bride
TO A GARDENER
To a gardener,
A grassed over area
Is just a flowerbed
That has yet to appear
ARE YOU WEARING ODD SOCKS? # 2
Are you wearing odd socks?
I suppose the look is a bit hipster
But honestly at your age, you are
Meat and drink for a quipster
THE PLURAL OF TOOTH
So if it is correct that
The plural of tooth is teeth
Then why isn’t the plural
Of booth, beeth
IT IS A SAD FACT OF LIFE THAT IF # 1
It is a sad fact of life that if
Several things can go to cock,
The one to be befall you
Will cause the most shock
IF CLERGYMEN CAN BE DEFROCKED # 1
If clergymen can be defrocked
And lawyers be disbarred
Then that must mean that
Tree surgeons can be debarked
MY BROTHER IN LAW IS FROM STRATFORD
My brother in law is from Stratford
He went to Shakespeare's school
No of course he didn’t know him
He was in the year above you fool
THE EXITED STATES OF AMERICA
The exited states of America
Have an upcoming election
And a Trump victory will make
The united states of aggression
A CONFUSED SPERM ASKED FOR DIRECTIONS
A confused sperm asked for directions
Not really a masculine trait
But he asked and was told
Oh I wouldn’t start from here mate
THAT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS THAT IS # 2
That's political correctness that is
When my little neighbour Allen
A short ass with a chip on his shoulder
Is actually vertically challenged
MY WIFE DROVE HER FIRST HUSBAND
My wife drove her first husband
To shoot himself in despair
But she only drove her second
To the bottom of a bottle to be fair
PUT DOWN # 60
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he says “hey doll can I buy you a drink”
Ignore him unless he persists then say
“How many times do I have to flush
Before you go away?”
SUICIDE IS PAINLESS, ACCORDING TO THE SONG
Suicide is painless, according to the song
I think it’s supposed to be a witticism
But I have always thought of suicide
As the most sincere form of self-criticism
MY BROTHER AND I ARE CHALK AND CHEESE
My brother and I are chalk and cheese
As hard as I try we just don’t fit
i.e. when he’s drunk and sees a street sign
He has an urge to relieve himself on it
WHEN A NINETY TWO YEAR OLD MAN
When a ninety two year old man
Married his eighteen year old bride
She had a blush on her cheeks
And after the wedding breakfast
She was presented with the presents
And he was given two weeks
Why did the bigamist cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could get to the other bride
TO A GARDENER
To a gardener,
A grassed over area
Is just a flowerbed
That has yet to appear
ARE YOU WEARING ODD SOCKS? # 2
Are you wearing odd socks?
I suppose the look is a bit hipster
But honestly at your age, you are
Meat and drink for a quipster
THE PLURAL OF TOOTH
So if it is correct that
The plural of tooth is teeth
Then why isn’t the plural
Of booth, beeth
IT IS A SAD FACT OF LIFE THAT IF # 1
It is a sad fact of life that if
Several things can go to cock,
The one to be befall you
Will cause the most shock
IF CLERGYMEN CAN BE DEFROCKED # 1
If clergymen can be defrocked
And lawyers be disbarred
Then that must mean that
Tree surgeons can be debarked
MY BROTHER IN LAW IS FROM STRATFORD
My brother in law is from Stratford
He went to Shakespeare's school
No of course he didn’t know him
He was in the year above you fool
THE EXITED STATES OF AMERICA
The exited states of America
Have an upcoming election
And a Trump victory will make
The united states of aggression
A CONFUSED SPERM ASKED FOR DIRECTIONS
A confused sperm asked for directions
Not really a masculine trait
But he asked and was told
Oh I wouldn’t start from here mate
THAT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS THAT IS # 2
That's political correctness that is
When my little neighbour Allen
A short ass with a chip on his shoulder
Is actually vertically challenged
MY WIFE DROVE HER FIRST HUSBAND
My wife drove her first husband
To shoot himself in despair
But she only drove her second
To the bottom of a bottle to be fair
PUT DOWN # 60
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he says “hey doll can I buy you a drink”
Ignore him unless he persists then say
“How many times do I have to flush
Before you go away?”
SUICIDE IS PAINLESS, ACCORDING TO THE SONG
Suicide is painless, according to the song
I think it’s supposed to be a witticism
But I have always thought of suicide
As the most sincere form of self-criticism
MY BROTHER AND I ARE CHALK AND CHEESE
My brother and I are chalk and cheese
As hard as I try we just don’t fit
i.e. when he’s drunk and sees a street sign
He has an urge to relieve himself on it
WHEN A NINETY TWO YEAR OLD MAN
When a ninety two year old man
Married his eighteen year old bride
She had a blush on her cheeks
And after the wedding breakfast
She was presented with the presents
And he was given two weeks
A Little Bit Of Humour # 116
WHY DID THE FUGITIVE CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the fugitive cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could find somewhere to hide
A WEED IS A PLANT THAT HAS SIMPLY MASTERED
A weed is a plant that has simply mastered
Every survival skill in the way it grows
But with all its hardy guile and cunning
They haven’t yet learned to grow in rows
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 367
Mary had a little lamb
She couldn’t stop it bleating
So Mary snapped and the lamb
Made very good eating
ARE YOU WEARING ODD SOCKS? # 1
Are you wearing odd socks?
Well that’s quirky in the youth
And it’s quite nice to see, but
But on you they look stupid in truth
THE PLURAL OF GOOSE
So if it is correct that
The plural of goose is geese
Then why isn’t the plural
Of moose, meese
THE SEX WAS SO GOOD LAST NIGHT
The sex was so good last night
With my girlfriend Bimbette
That after it was over even
The neighbours had a cigarette.
I QUIT MY JOB AT THE REFINERY
I quit my job at the refinery
In the helium gas zone
It was a good job but I refused
To be spoken to in that tone
SHOTS WERE FIRED AT THE CHOIR
Shots were fired at the choir
Which has affected morale
The Arizona News called it
“Gunfight at the Ok Chorale”
PUT DOWN # 58
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he falters and flirts with you
He is only flattering to deceive
So ignore him, but if he persists ask
“If I throw a stick, will you leave?”
IT IS A SAD FACT OF LIFE THAT IS # 1
It is a sad fact of life that is
Something of a curse
Left to themselves things
Will go from bad to worse
THE INVENTOR OF DENTAL FLOSS
The inventor of dental floss
Was honoured and hailed
When a piece of commemorative
Plaque was unveiled
THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS
The Guinness book of records
Have published an update
The world’s untidiest man has died
And his body is lying in a state
A CHICKEN AT THE MOVIES
A chicken at the movies
Made the whole theatre look
So the manager asked
“Why are you here chook?”
The chicken replied,
“Well, because I liked the book”
I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO EXERCISE
I have been told to exercise
But I am deliberately refraining
As refusing to go to the gym
Counts as resistance training
HOSPITALITY IS AN ART FORM
Hospitality is an art form
Making your guests feel
Like they're actually at home,
While wishing they were for real
Why did the fugitive cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could find somewhere to hide
A WEED IS A PLANT THAT HAS SIMPLY MASTERED
A weed is a plant that has simply mastered
Every survival skill in the way it grows
But with all its hardy guile and cunning
They haven’t yet learned to grow in rows
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 367
Mary had a little lamb
She couldn’t stop it bleating
So Mary snapped and the lamb
Made very good eating
ARE YOU WEARING ODD SOCKS? # 1
Are you wearing odd socks?
Well that’s quirky in the youth
And it’s quite nice to see, but
But on you they look stupid in truth
THE PLURAL OF GOOSE
So if it is correct that
The plural of goose is geese
Then why isn’t the plural
Of moose, meese
THE SEX WAS SO GOOD LAST NIGHT
The sex was so good last night
With my girlfriend Bimbette
That after it was over even
The neighbours had a cigarette.
I QUIT MY JOB AT THE REFINERY
I quit my job at the refinery
In the helium gas zone
It was a good job but I refused
To be spoken to in that tone
SHOTS WERE FIRED AT THE CHOIR
Shots were fired at the choir
Which has affected morale
The Arizona News called it
“Gunfight at the Ok Chorale”
PUT DOWN # 58
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he falters and flirts with you
He is only flattering to deceive
So ignore him, but if he persists ask
“If I throw a stick, will you leave?”
IT IS A SAD FACT OF LIFE THAT IS # 1
It is a sad fact of life that is
Something of a curse
Left to themselves things
Will go from bad to worse
THE INVENTOR OF DENTAL FLOSS
The inventor of dental floss
Was honoured and hailed
When a piece of commemorative
Plaque was unveiled
THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS
The Guinness book of records
Have published an update
The world’s untidiest man has died
And his body is lying in a state
A CHICKEN AT THE MOVIES
A chicken at the movies
Made the whole theatre look
So the manager asked
“Why are you here chook?”
The chicken replied,
“Well, because I liked the book”
I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO EXERCISE
I have been told to exercise
But I am deliberately refraining
As refusing to go to the gym
Counts as resistance training
HOSPITALITY IS AN ART FORM
Hospitality is an art form
Making your guests feel
Like they're actually at home,
While wishing they were for real
Wednesday 20 April 2016
Victoria Wood RIP
VICTORIA WOOD 1953-2016
I’ve always thought
The word overused
But Victoria Wood
Really was a genius.
But there is darkness
Where once a light shone
The bright light
Of an enduring star
Which is now extinguished.
But not in our hearts
For there she burns still
As her laughter always will
VICTORIA WOOD A TRUE TALENT
If I have to pick just one Gem
From her creative canon
Then “The Ballad of Barry and Freda”
Would have to be the one
The pace and delivery of wit
Hits you like a comic volley
Like “Bend me over backwards
On me Hostess trolley”
Great Humour filled lines
Delivered oh so sleekly
Like “Beat me on the bottom
With a Woman’s weekly”
Or “Come and melt the buttons
On me flameproof nightie”
I can picture her singing it
To St P and God almighty
I’ve always thought
The word overused
But Victoria Wood
Really was a genius.
But there is darkness
Where once a light shone
The bright light
Of an enduring star
Which is now extinguished.
But not in our hearts
For there she burns still
As her laughter always will
VICTORIA WOOD A TRUE TALENT
If I have to pick just one Gem
From her creative canon
Then “The Ballad of Barry and Freda”
Would have to be the one
The pace and delivery of wit
Hits you like a comic volley
Like “Bend me over backwards
On me Hostess trolley”
Great Humour filled lines
Delivered oh so sleekly
Like “Beat me on the bottom
With a Woman’s weekly”
Or “Come and melt the buttons
On me flameproof nightie”
I can picture her singing it
To St P and God almighty
Tuesday 5 April 2016
A Little Bit Of Humour # 115
TO A GARDENER
To a gardener,
A grassed over area
Is just a flowerbed
That has yet to appear
WHY DID THE DIVORCEE CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the divorcee cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could avoid another bride
WHEN I HAD MY VERY FIRST GARDEN
When I had my very first garden
It filled me with absolute terror
I didn’t have any experience
But I learnt by trowel and error
THE SIMPLE RED ROSE WAS ONCE
The simple red rose was once
The emblem of the English
But alas it has been replaced
In England by the satellite dish
WHY DID THE BACHELOR CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the bachelor cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could avoid finding a bride
BONSAI GRANDAD
My grandfather became such
A successful bonsai grower
He had to move to a house
Where the garden was smaller
THE MELONS ARE HAVING A BIG WEDDING
The Melons are having a big wedding
“Hello magazine” have the scoop
However they don’t really want
A big affair but they cantaloupe
WHY DID THE ADULTERER CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the adulterer cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could get to another man’s bride
THE MOST POPULAR NUDISTS
The most popular man in a nudist colony
Can carry 2 large coffees and twelve donuts
The most popular woman in a nudist colony
Is the one who can eat the last two donuts
THE WAY TO GARDEN EFFECTIVELY
To garden effectively, firstly, put on a hat
But be very careful, and choose the right one
Straw preferably, and it should have a
Wide brim to protect you from the sun
Some old clothes, but nothing too scruffy
It should be a stylish yet practical rig
And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink
In the other, tell somebody else where to dig
To a gardener,
A grassed over area
Is just a flowerbed
That has yet to appear
WHY DID THE DIVORCEE CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the divorcee cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could avoid another bride
WHEN I HAD MY VERY FIRST GARDEN
When I had my very first garden
It filled me with absolute terror
I didn’t have any experience
But I learnt by trowel and error
THE SIMPLE RED ROSE WAS ONCE
The simple red rose was once
The emblem of the English
But alas it has been replaced
In England by the satellite dish
WHY DID THE BACHELOR CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the bachelor cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could avoid finding a bride
BONSAI GRANDAD
My grandfather became such
A successful bonsai grower
He had to move to a house
Where the garden was smaller
THE MELONS ARE HAVING A BIG WEDDING
The Melons are having a big wedding
“Hello magazine” have the scoop
However they don’t really want
A big affair but they cantaloupe
WHY DID THE ADULTERER CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the adulterer cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could get to another man’s bride
THE MOST POPULAR NUDISTS
The most popular man in a nudist colony
Can carry 2 large coffees and twelve donuts
The most popular woman in a nudist colony
Is the one who can eat the last two donuts
THE WAY TO GARDEN EFFECTIVELY
To garden effectively, firstly, put on a hat
But be very careful, and choose the right one
Straw preferably, and it should have a
Wide brim to protect you from the sun
Some old clothes, but nothing too scruffy
It should be a stylish yet practical rig
And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink
In the other, tell somebody else where to dig
A Little Bit Of Humour # 114
WHY DID THE FUGITIVE CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the fugitive cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could find somewhere to hide
THERE IS AN OWL OF LOW MORALS
There is an Owl of low morals
That frequents our park
And subsequently it doesn’t
Give a hoot after dark
A ROYAL WARRANT
In order for a Baker to get
A Royal warrant, it is said
They need to be like many
Royals and be inter-bred
THE BORDER AGENCY ARE STRUGGLING
The border agency are struggling
To prevent mosquitos from getting in
They’re very cunning creatures
Who all claim to be Asylum Zika’s
OUR NEIGHBOURS ARE ORGANIC DAIRY FARMERS
Our neighbours are organic dairy farmers
With special diets and all that ilk
N’owt good ever came of pampering cows
And all you’ll ever get is spoilt milk
NOBEL PRIZE’S
They give Nobel Prize’s for anything now
And the latest recipient has been revealed
The winner is a scarecrow of all things
Mind you he is outstanding in his field
IT RAINS IN ENGLAND
England has a reputation for being wet
And it’s a well-deserved one I fear
And the simple reason for that is that
The Queen has reigned so many years
IN THE VEGETABLE WORLD
In the vegetable world, the posh potatoes
Never listen to football on the radio
There is nothing they dislike greater
Than the sound of a Common-tater
A DOCTOR POINTED OUT
A Doctor pointed out a piece of lettuce
That protruded from the patient’s ear
And added that it might be serious
As it could be the tip of the iceberg
AMONG ABOMINABLE SNOWMEN
Among abominable snowmen
There is a virgin called Betty
And to all her kith and kin
She is known as a not Yeti
WHY DID THE BIGAMIST CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the bigamist cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could get to the other bride
Why did the fugitive cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could find somewhere to hide
THERE IS AN OWL OF LOW MORALS
There is an Owl of low morals
That frequents our park
And subsequently it doesn’t
Give a hoot after dark
A ROYAL WARRANT
In order for a Baker to get
A Royal warrant, it is said
They need to be like many
Royals and be inter-bred
THE BORDER AGENCY ARE STRUGGLING
The border agency are struggling
To prevent mosquitos from getting in
They’re very cunning creatures
Who all claim to be Asylum Zika’s
OUR NEIGHBOURS ARE ORGANIC DAIRY FARMERS
Our neighbours are organic dairy farmers
With special diets and all that ilk
N’owt good ever came of pampering cows
And all you’ll ever get is spoilt milk
NOBEL PRIZE’S
They give Nobel Prize’s for anything now
And the latest recipient has been revealed
The winner is a scarecrow of all things
Mind you he is outstanding in his field
IT RAINS IN ENGLAND
England has a reputation for being wet
And it’s a well-deserved one I fear
And the simple reason for that is that
The Queen has reigned so many years
IN THE VEGETABLE WORLD
In the vegetable world, the posh potatoes
Never listen to football on the radio
There is nothing they dislike greater
Than the sound of a Common-tater
A DOCTOR POINTED OUT
A Doctor pointed out a piece of lettuce
That protruded from the patient’s ear
And added that it might be serious
As it could be the tip of the iceberg
AMONG ABOMINABLE SNOWMEN
Among abominable snowmen
There is a virgin called Betty
And to all her kith and kin
She is known as a not Yeti
WHY DID THE BIGAMIST CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the bigamist cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could get to the other bride
A Little Bit Of Humour # 113
GARDENING RULE
If you can’t tell the difference
Between a plant and weed
Then learn by pulling one up
That’s the best way to proceed
And if it comes out quite easily
Then the other one is the weed
SHEER EXTRAVAGANCE
A husband pays five hundred pounds
To get his wife a sheer negligée
So she thought she should pose for him
As it was a lot of money to pay
But decided to pretend to wear the item
And then next day get a refund on it
He looked on wide eyed and said
“For the price they could have ironed it”
WHY DID THE PHILANDERER CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the philanderer cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could get to another man’s bride
WE USED TO HAVE AN OWL
We used to have an Owl
He was really cute
But he had low self esteem
So didn’t give a hoot
A TODDLER STARTS CHEWING ON A SLUG
A toddler starts chewing on a slug
As mum looks on and squirms
But she asked what it tasted like
And the toddler replied "Worms"
A WEED IS A PLANT THAT HAS SIMPLY MASTERED
A weed is a plant that has simply mastered
Every survival skill in the way it grows
But with all its hardy guile and cunning
They haven’t yet learned to grow in rows
A MAN WAS LEFT MENTALLY SCARRED
A man was left mentally scarred
After swinging from trees in his yard
When a branch snagged on his leotard
So he was hoisted on his own petard
I’M A REALLY RUBBISH GARDENER
I’m a really rubbish gardener
I find it all a bit of a chore
If only I was better outside
At simple horticulture
And grow stuff in the garden
Like I do in the refrigerator
WHY DID THE VOYEUR CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the voyeur cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could find somewhere to hide
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEART TO A TENNIS PLAYER
Never lose your heart to a tennis player
And that goes for women and men
But it’s not that they are bad people
It’s just that love means nothing to them
BREAK A LEG
Telling actors to "Break a leg"
Is a tradition from long past
And the reason for it is this
Actors like to be in a good cast
WEEDS AND FLOWERS
The difference between
Weeds and flowers
Is without a doubt
That the garden weeds
Are the most difficult
By far to pull out
If you can’t tell the difference
Between a plant and weed
Then learn by pulling one up
That’s the best way to proceed
And if it comes out quite easily
Then the other one is the weed
SHEER EXTRAVAGANCE
A husband pays five hundred pounds
To get his wife a sheer negligée
So she thought she should pose for him
As it was a lot of money to pay
But decided to pretend to wear the item
And then next day get a refund on it
He looked on wide eyed and said
“For the price they could have ironed it”
WHY DID THE PHILANDERER CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the philanderer cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could get to another man’s bride
WE USED TO HAVE AN OWL
We used to have an Owl
He was really cute
But he had low self esteem
So didn’t give a hoot
A TODDLER STARTS CHEWING ON A SLUG
A toddler starts chewing on a slug
As mum looks on and squirms
But she asked what it tasted like
And the toddler replied "Worms"
A WEED IS A PLANT THAT HAS SIMPLY MASTERED
A weed is a plant that has simply mastered
Every survival skill in the way it grows
But with all its hardy guile and cunning
They haven’t yet learned to grow in rows
A MAN WAS LEFT MENTALLY SCARRED
A man was left mentally scarred
After swinging from trees in his yard
When a branch snagged on his leotard
So he was hoisted on his own petard
I’M A REALLY RUBBISH GARDENER
I’m a really rubbish gardener
I find it all a bit of a chore
If only I was better outside
At simple horticulture
And grow stuff in the garden
Like I do in the refrigerator
WHY DID THE VOYEUR CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the voyeur cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could find somewhere to hide
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEART TO A TENNIS PLAYER
Never lose your heart to a tennis player
And that goes for women and men
But it’s not that they are bad people
It’s just that love means nothing to them
BREAK A LEG
Telling actors to "Break a leg"
Is a tradition from long past
And the reason for it is this
Actors like to be in a good cast
WEEDS AND FLOWERS
The difference between
Weeds and flowers
Is without a doubt
That the garden weeds
Are the most difficult
By far to pull out
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