A Little Bit Of Humour # 116

WHY DID THE FUGITIVE CROSS THE ROAD?

Why did the fugitive cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could find somewhere to hide

A WEED IS A PLANT THAT HAS SIMPLY MASTERED

A weed is a plant that has simply mastered
Every survival skill in the way it grows
But with all its hardy guile and cunning
They haven’t yet learned to grow in rows

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 367

Mary had a little lamb
She couldn’t stop it bleating
So Mary snapped and the lamb
Made very good eating

ARE YOU WEARING ODD SOCKS? # 1

Are you wearing odd socks?
Well that’s quirky in the youth
And it’s quite nice to see, but
But on you they look stupid in truth

THE PLURAL OF GOOSE

So if it is correct that
The plural of goose is geese
Then why isn’t the plural
Of moose, meese

THE SEX WAS SO GOOD LAST NIGHT

The sex was so good last night
With my girlfriend Bimbette
That after it was over even
The neighbours had a cigarette.

I QUIT MY JOB AT THE REFINERY

I quit my job at the refinery
In the helium gas zone
It was a good job but I refused
To be spoken to in that tone

SHOTS WERE FIRED AT THE CHOIR

Shots were fired at the choir
Which has affected morale
The Arizona News called it
“Gunfight at the Ok Chorale”

PUT DOWN # 58

Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he falters and flirts with you
He is only flattering to deceive
So ignore him, but if he persists ask
“If I throw a stick, will you leave?”

IT IS A SAD FACT OF LIFE THAT IS # 1

It is a sad fact of life that is
Something of a curse
Left to themselves things
Will go from bad to worse

THE INVENTOR OF DENTAL FLOSS

The inventor of dental floss
Was honoured and hailed
When a piece of commemorative
Plaque was unveiled

THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS

The Guinness book of records
Have published an update
The world’s untidiest man has died
And his body is lying in a state

A CHICKEN AT THE MOVIES

A chicken at the movies
Made the whole theatre look
So the manager asked
“Why are you here chook?”
The chicken replied,
“Well, because I liked the book”

I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO EXERCISE

I have been told to exercise
But I am deliberately refraining
As refusing to go to the gym
Counts as resistance training

HOSPITALITY IS AN ART FORM

Hospitality is an art form
Making your guests feel
Like they're actually at home,
While wishing they were for real