A Little Bit Of Humour # 113

GARDENING RULE

If you can’t tell the difference
Between a plant and weed
Then learn by pulling one up
That’s the best way to proceed
And if it comes out quite easily
Then the other one is the weed

SHEER EXTRAVAGANCE

A husband pays five hundred pounds
To get his wife a sheer negligée
So she thought she should pose for him
As it was a lot of money to pay
But decided to pretend to wear the item
And then next day get a refund on it
He looked on wide eyed and said
“For the price they could have ironed it”

WHY DID THE PHILANDERER CROSS THE ROAD?

Why did the philanderer cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could get to another man’s bride

WE USED TO HAVE AN OWL

We used to have an Owl
He was really cute
But he had low self esteem
So didn’t give a hoot

A TODDLER STARTS CHEWING ON A SLUG

A toddler starts chewing on a slug
As mum looks on and squirms
But she asked what it tasted like
And the toddler replied "Worms"

A WEED IS A PLANT THAT HAS SIMPLY MASTERED

A weed is a plant that has simply mastered
Every survival skill in the way it grows
But with all its hardy guile and cunning
They haven’t yet learned to grow in rows

A MAN WAS LEFT MENTALLY SCARRED

A man was left mentally scarred
After swinging from trees in his yard
When a branch snagged on his leotard
So he was hoisted on his own petard

I’M A REALLY RUBBISH GARDENER

I’m a really rubbish gardener
I find it all a bit of a chore
If only I was better outside
At simple horticulture
And grow stuff in the garden
Like I do in the refrigerator

WHY DID THE VOYEUR CROSS THE ROAD?

Why did the voyeur cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could find somewhere to hide

NEVER LOSE YOUR HEART TO A TENNIS PLAYER

Never lose your heart to a tennis player
And that goes for women and men
But it’s not that they are bad people
It’s just that love means nothing to them

BREAK A LEG

Telling actors to "Break a leg"
Is a tradition from long past
And the reason for it is this
Actors like to be in a good cast

WEEDS AND FLOWERS

The difference between
Weeds and flowers
Is without a doubt
That the garden weeds
Are the most difficult
By far to pull out