A Little Bit Of Humour # 117

WHY DID THE BIGAMIST CROSS THE ROAD?

Why did the bigamist cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could get to the other bride

TO A GARDENER

To a gardener,
A grassed over area
Is just a flowerbed
That has yet to appear

ARE YOU WEARING ODD SOCKS? # 2

Are you wearing odd socks?
I suppose the look is a bit hipster
But honestly at your age, you are
Meat and drink for a quipster

THE PLURAL OF TOOTH

So if it is correct that
The plural of tooth is teeth
Then why isn’t the plural
Of booth, beeth

IT IS A SAD FACT OF LIFE THAT IF # 1

It is a sad fact of life that if
Several things can go to cock,
The one to be befall you
Will cause the most shock

IF CLERGYMEN CAN BE DEFROCKED # 1

If clergymen can be defrocked
And lawyers be disbarred
Then that must mean that
Tree surgeons can be debarked

MY BROTHER IN LAW IS FROM STRATFORD

My brother in law is from Stratford
He went to Shakespeare's school
No of course he didn’t know him
He was in the year above you fool

THE EXITED STATES OF AMERICA

The exited states of America
Have an upcoming election
And a Trump victory will make
The united states of aggression

A CONFUSED SPERM ASKED FOR DIRECTIONS

A confused sperm asked for directions
Not really a masculine trait
But he asked and was told
Oh I wouldn’t start from here mate

THAT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS THAT IS # 2

That's political correctness that is
When my little neighbour Allen
A short ass with a chip on his shoulder
Is actually vertically challenged

MY WIFE DROVE HER FIRST HUSBAND

My wife drove her first husband
To shoot himself in despair
But she only drove her second
To the bottom of a bottle to be fair

PUT DOWN # 60

Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he says “hey doll can I buy you a drink”
Ignore him unless he persists then say
“How many times do I have to flush
Before you go away?”

SUICIDE IS PAINLESS, ACCORDING TO THE SONG

Suicide is painless, according to the song
I think it’s supposed to be a witticism
But I have always thought of suicide
As the most sincere form of self-criticism

MY BROTHER AND I ARE CHALK AND CHEESE

My brother and I are chalk and cheese
As hard as I try we just don’t fit
i.e. when he’s drunk and sees a street sign
He has an urge to relieve himself on it

WHEN A NINETY TWO YEAR OLD MAN

When a ninety two year old man
Married his eighteen year old bride
She had a blush on her cheeks

And after the wedding breakfast
She was presented with the presents
And he was given two weeks