THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG

Once upon a time in a land far away,
Long, long ago on a far distant day
There lived a beautiful princess
An independent, self-assured noblesse
She strolled the shores of the lake
On her beautifully green castle estate
Contemplating issues of this and that
Then came upon a frog as she sat
The frog hopped onto the girls knee
And said Oh beautiful Elegant Lady
I was once handsome and princely
Until an evil witch cast a spell on me
But Princess just one kiss from you
And you will break the spells hoodoo
I will again be handsome and princely
And then, my dearest, we can marry
We’ll live in your castle with my mother
My seven sisters and all my brothers
You can cook clean and do the laundry
And we can raise an enormous family
You will always be happy and grateful
And forever after you will be dutiful
All this with just one kiss from you
A future together for me and you
That night the princess dined in solitude
On the sumptuously prepared food
Smiling as she recalled the prince beg
As she ate the delicious sautéed frogs leg

FINDING THE NEW WORLD

Maria was asked by the teacher
To go to the map and find America
The girl walked to the map and pointed
“Here it is miss this is America”
“Well done, now class who can tell me
Who discovered America?”
Immediately a boys hand shot in the air
“That’s easy miss it was Maria”

THE PERFECT GIFT

If as a man you feel in life
You don’t provide your wife
With enough frustration to suit her
Then purchase her a home computer

BEFORE COMPUTERS TOOK OVER THE WORLD

Before computers took over the world
A virus was the flu, and a keyboard was a piano
A mouse pad was where a single mouse lived
And a CD was a bank account and a program was a TV show
The net was something you fished with
A monitor would report you to the teacher
An application was a form to be filled out
And Windows were opened to get fresh air
A hard drive was a long trip in the car
A web was a spider’s home, a cursor used profanity
Memory was something you lost with age
And if you had a 3 ½ inch floppy you’d tell nobody

HAIR CARE FOR MEN

The great thing about being a man
Is you can have the same hairstyle for years
And waking in the morning with a mustache
Doesn’t make you burst into tears
But perhaps the best thing of all
You only have to shave your facial hairs

FURTHER BLONDES

One night
Bimbette asked her friend
"Which do you think is farther
Florida or the moon?"
Peaches replied
"Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?"

AGES OF MAN

You were once a good boy
Mummy’s pride and joy
Then you grew into a nice kid
Because of the things you did
Then you progressed to be a great guy
It just happened you don’t know why
Then you arrived and were a fine man
Just in time for your retirement plan
And if only that was the end of it
But no you grew into an old git