DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN?

 

I grew a beard, thinking it would say

"Distinguished Gentleman" to all

Instead, what it’s actually saying

Is Senior Discount seeker at the Mall

I HAVE REACHED THAT TIME

 

I have reached that time when

Normal life has come to a halt

I’m at the age where I can’t take

Anything with a pinch of salt

I HAVE BEEN DATING A HOARDER

 

I have been dating a hoarder

But she broke up with me

Because I’m the one thing

She can get rid of apparently

I’VE ALWAYS BEEN AN AVID READER # 1

 

I’ve always been an avid reader

Mystery books are my favourite

But then every novel is a mystery

If you never manage to finish it

THE GREAT PART ABOUT PARENTHOOD

 

The great part about parenthood

Is naming the kids something favorable

While not having to add numbers

To make sure the name was available

I SUFFER FROM A STRANGE PHOBIA

 

I suffer from a strange phobia

Which was hard for me to admit

As I have a fear of speed bumps

But I’m slowly getting over it

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 439

 

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,

How does your garden grow?

With silver bells, and cockle shells

And other tacky blingy show