I HAVE BEEN DATING A HOARDER

 

I have been dating a hoarder

But she broke up with me

Because I’m the one thing

She can get rid of apparently

I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE SOMEBODY

 

I always wanted to be somebody,

Which proved to be impolitic

Because I realize that maybe

I should have been more specific.

IF YOU WANT TO AVOID

 

If you want to avoid

Disaster on a plate

Even though

They are first rate

Avoid eating Lobsters

On a first date

ON A FIRST DATE DO NOT CHOOSE

 

On a first date do not choose

A restaurant to meet her

Because it’s not conducive

With your being a messy eater

DATING PREMISE

 

When a man puts on his cologne

And a woman puts on perfume

The intention is not primarily

To smell each other I presume

CYNTHIA’S NIGHT OUT

 

Cynthia was sweet sixteen and naive

And was going out on her first date

But mummy had some rules to impart

In the event that they may conjugate

 

Cynthia asked “what if on the way home

He stops his car in a dark lonely wood”

“That’s ok mummy won’t worry about that”

Mummy replied “that’s ok if he should”

 

Cynthia asked, “what if while were parked

He puts his arm around me and kisses me”

“That’s ok mummy won’t worry about that”

Mummy replied “that’s alright you’ll see”

 

Cynthia asked, “what if while were parked

He goes inside my blouse and undoes my bra”

“That’s ok mummy won’t worry about that”

Mummy replied “its ok if he goes that far”

 

Cynthia asked, “what if while were parked

He puts his hand in my pants and touches me”

“That’s ok mummy won’t worry about that”

Mummy replied “that’s alright you’ll see”

 

Cynthia asked, “what if while were parked

He lays me down and gets on top of me”

“Cynthia that’s not ok you mustn’t do that”

Mummy said, “because mummy would worry”

 

That night after Cynthia returned home

She was very excited after she had dated

And mummy wanted to know everything

In the event that they may have conjugated

 

Cynthia said, “as we were on the way home

He stopped his car in a dark lonely wood

I thought mummy won’t worry about this

Mummy said it was alright if he should”

 

Cynthia said “well mummy while were parked

He put his arm around me and kissed me

I thought mummy won’t worry about this

Mummy said it was alright and I would see”

 

Cynthia said “well mummy while were parked

He went inside my blouse and undid my bra

I thought mummy won’t worry about this

Mummy said it was alright if he went that far”

 

Cynthia said “well mummy while were parked

He put his hand in my pants and touched me

I thought mummy won’t worry about this

Mummy said it was alright and I would see”

 

Cynthia said “well mummy while were parked

He lay me down and to get on top of me

I thought that’s not ok I mustn’t do that

Because mummy said she would worry”

 

“That’s a very good girl Cynthia well done

I’m very proud that you listened to me

Now tell me what happened next my dear”

“I got on top of him and let his mummy worry”