21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 432

Little Jack Horner

Sat in the corner,

Eating Christmas pie

As he sat on his bum

He pulled out his thumb,

And poked himself in the eye

ARE YOU WEARING YELLOW?

 

Are you wearing yellow?    

A brave choice for one so sallow

With thick wrinkled skin like a Tangelo

But for all that you seem quite mellow

So why are you wearing yellow?

Oh, you’re that Vince Cable fellow

MARITAL EXPECTATION

 

My wife kept hinting about the gift

She wanted for our anniversary

She said, “I want something shiny

That goes from 0 to 150

In about 3 seconds will do me”

And this was repeated in detail

As the anniversary neared

So, he bought her a bathroom scale

HOMEMADE PIZZA

 

Homemade pizza

Is absolute bliss

And it’s so easy

It’s a pizza piss

I DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT RUSSIA

 

I don’t know much about Russia

And I haven’t been there yet

But I do know one thing for sure

You mustn’t get the Kremlin wet

NOCTURNAL PLIGHT

 

I learned a valuable life lesson

And I’m not eager to repeat my plight

When I foolishly took a sleeping pill

And a laxative on the same night

BEING OVER THE HILL

I’ve always accepted the inevitability.

Of one day being over the hill

What I didn’t expect was to pick up speed

On the other side of that hill