WHAT NOT TO DO IN HORROR MOVIES # 4

 

If on your travels you find a town

Which looks deserted, let’s say

It’s probably like that for a reason.

So take the hint and stay away

WHEN I WAS YOUNG WE ATE A HEALTHY DIET # 2

 

When I was young we ate a healthy diet

With plenty of fruit and vegetables

But we never thought of eating Seaweed

In fact we didn’t even know it was edible

YOU CAN EITHER ASK ME TO DO SOMETHING

 

You can either ask me to do something

Or you tell me how you want it done.

But not both, if you already know best

How to do it, just do it yourself, hon

I’VE SURVIVED PROSTATE CANCER

 

I’ve survived prostate cancer

I've had two bypass surgeries,

I'm half blind, more than half deaf

And I have type two diabetes

I’ve had hip replacements,

An elbow and two new knees,

I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92

And when I go out I can’t go far

As I have a very weak bladder

But at least I can still drive my car

AN ELDERLY WOMAN DECIDED TO PREPARE HER WILL

 

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will

“I have two requests” she told her solicitor

“First, I want to be cremated, and second I want

My ashes scattered over all around Tombola

“Tombola?” the solicitor “Why a Bingo Hall?”

“Well, that way I'll be sure to see my daughter”

AS I'VE MATURED

I've learned in my life that it takes years

To build up trust, and respectability  

And it only takes suspicion, and not

A shred of proof, to destroy it completely  

A CAT CALLED BOWLING

 

We have a cat called “Bowling”

So why did we call him that?

It’s obvious when you think about it

Because “Bowling” is an Alley cat