72 Miles From The Sea

Sunday, 26 February 2023

I went into hospital for minor surgery

The whole surgical team acted like comedians

As I was going under I heard the surgeon say

“Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!”

I don’t walk with the crowd and

I’m not the usual Microwave user

I like to stop it at one second

Just to feel like a bomb de-fuser.

The secret to a happy married life

Is that you should simply remember

That to keep on the good side of your wife

Silence is sometimes the best answer

I don’t mind you not being glammed up

But a gent’s tweed suit is not your normal attire

Is there any reason for your change of style?

Is the masculine look some form of satire?

The Grim Reaper came for me last night

And I could barely catch my breath

But I beat him away with a vacuum cleaner

And was really Dyson with death.

Granddad always said, an umbrella was like

A pancake, but I didn’t know what he meant?

I only found out many years later that it was

Because they were seldom seen after lent

Are you wearing a brandy keg?

Is obviously the question that I beg?

I obviously hope the answer is yes

If it’s no, I’m hallucinating I guess