21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 386

 

Harlequin ladybird, fly away home

Your kind are not welcome here

So, get your Harlequin spotted arse

Back to where you belong in Asia

ARE YOU WEARING VESTMENTS?

 

Are you wearing vestments?

Oh reverend Katie

You know they should

Be hanging in the vestry

When the service is over

That’s where they should be

But for my birthday treat

You’ve kept it on for me

And now I get to unwrap

The reverend Katie

I WENT INTO HOSPITAL FOR MINOR SURGERY # 8

 

I went into hospital for minor surgery

And the anaesthetist was a bit of a bore

He said “Oops! Does anyone know if a patient

Has ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?”

BOOTS THE CHEMIST SUNDAY OPENING

 

11am to 9pm the sign read

But the opening time was well past

And we were left out in the cold

And their apathy left me aghast

The signage needs to be amended

And a new sign should be tasked

Open “When we can be bothered”

Until “We can no longer be asked”

WHEN THE ALLSPICE SINGERS

 

When the allspice singers

Really went off the rails

Coryanda and star Anise

Had the Pepperatzi on their tails

PEPERAMI IS A BIT OF AN ANIMAL

 

Peperami is a bit of an animal

Is the pitch the adverts hit

But its animal origins aside

I would like to know “what bit”

THEY’RE REMAKING OLD TV SHOWS

 

They’re remaking old TV shows

Updating oldies from TV heaven

A Sci-Fi version of “On the Buses”

Is going to be called Blakey’s Seven