I’M PAST MY SELL BY DATE

 

According to my wife

I’m past my sell by date

But for my children,

I’ve not passed my use by date

MR ONION TOLD A JOKE IN CLASS

Mr Onion told a joke in class

He’s a bore so I don’t know why

But he told it anyway and we

Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry

BURNING ALL HER BILLS

My next-door neighbour

At number ninety-two

Has been burning all her bills

But that’s Bernadette for you 

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 366

 

Five little speckled frogs

Sat on a great big log

But they were soon to become

A delicious entre yum, yum

ARE YOU WEARING A KNITTED SWIMSUIT?

 

Are you wearing a knitted swimsuit?

Well, I know there’s a recession on

But I’m afraid knitted swimwear

Isn’t at all the right thing to don

 

Because one of two things will happen

The weight of wool will pull them down

Or when you are swimming the weight

Will pull you under and you’ll drown

WHEN WE SPEAK OF A BROTHER

 

When we speak of a brother

We can also speak of brethren,

But although we say Mother,

I have never heard said, Methren

MY UNCLE GOT CAUGHT STEALING AGAIN

 

My uncle got caught stealing again

It’s an occupation hazard by and large

This time it was luxury toilet rolls

And he pleaded quilty to the charge