I visited Nigel Farage’s garden
Well, it was hardly
National Trust
The patch of lawn was
really shit
But the borders were
very robust
Friday, 6 January 2023
I VISITED NIGEL FARAGE’S GARDEN
MY GARDENER HAS OCD
My gardener has OCD
His herb beds are
alphabetized
I asked how he found
the time
“It’s next to the
Sage” he replied
MY SISTER IS A GIANT IN JOURNALISM
My sister is a giant in journalism
And her prowess is
eternal
Standing over six feet
high
She’s on the Tall
Street Journal
YOU CAN TRAIN ANIMALS TO DO ANYTHING
You can train animals to do anything
I don’t know where it
will stop
We have a Pole dancing
sheep
In the window of the
kebab shop
HOPE SITS PATIENTLY
Hope sits patiently
Upon its primordial
throne
A reassuring constant,
In a sea of change
Always there
Available to all
Like a beacon in the
dark
To lost souls at sea
Pure unremitting Hope
An unquenchable thirst
An unsatisfied
yearning
An unscratchable itch
There for everyone
When all else fails
Hope waits for us all
Sitting patiently
Upon its primordial
throne
Since time immemorial
And until the end of
time
ARE YOU WEARING A STICK ON TATTOO?
Are you wearing a stick-on tattoo?
Is that really the
best you could do?
What? You were too
scared to get proper ink?
What will the rest of
the chapter think?
IT’S TEN YEARS, ALMOST TO THE DAY
Its ten years, almost to the day
Since I decided to marry
my wife
And marrying her was
the last
Decision I made in my life
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