IF YOU EAT A BURGER

 

If you eat a burger

And it gives you the trots

You will probably find

It was horsemeat like as not

ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN SWEATER?

Are you wearing a Halloween sweater?

It’s a bit cute and pretty in my view

So, if you don’t mind my saying so

You’re not a proper witch, are you?

I’M DATING A SKINNY PAIR OF TWINS

 

I’m dating a pair of skinny twins

They’re little more than skin and bone

And they are anorexic, it’s rather like

A case of two birds and one stone

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 248

 

To market, to market, to buy a plum cake;

Make sure it’s a plum cake, don’t make a mistake

I don’t want a Battenberg at any price

Because it is foreign and not very nice

ARE YOU WEARING PRIESTLY GARMENTS?

 

Are you wearing priestly garments?

How good you look in your vestments

Can you share any indiscretions?

That you hear during confessions

Oh, what a shame you cannot share

I would like to be a fly in there

But what torture it must truly be

Having taken a vow of celibacy

And denying yourself the pleasures,

Of plundering earthly treasures

Only to sit each day in confessions

Listening to others sinful discretions

DON’T EAT ANYTHING FATTY

 

My doctor said to me

Don’t eat anything fatty

What he meant by that was

Don’t eat anything, fatty

MY DAD THINKS HE’S A CHOCOLATE ORANGE

 

My dad thinks he’s a chocolate orange

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned

And we have come to the decision

That we should have him sectioned