I ASKED THE DJ STRAIGHT

 

I asked the DJ straight

Do you do requests mate

Yes, geezer just name it

Turn the volume down a bit

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 216

 Mary had a pretty bird,

Plumage bright and yellow,

Slender legs, upon this bird

Mary didn’t need a fellow

ARE YOU WEARING A FRINGE?

 

Are you wearing a fringe?

I’m sorry it made me cringe

But I have a bit of an aversion

To that Winkleman person

ON MY VERY FIRST DAY AT PRIMARY SCHOOL

On my very first day at primary school

I handed, as instructed, a letter to my teacher

It was addressed to “whom it may concern”

And it had been written by my mother

It read “The opinions expressed by this boy

Are not in any way those of his mother or father”

IF YOUR EMPLOYEE GOES ALL RAGING BULL

 

If your employee goes all raging bull

Instead of his normal little sparrow

Just say “Easy there Mr Testosterone

Or I’ll replace you with a marrow"

PUT DOWN # 50

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he starts spinning you a line

Just say when he quickly bores

“Do you have magical powers?

In this fantasy world of yours?"

THE LIMITATIONS OF MODERN MEDICINE

 

My friend said I should take my husband

To see a doctor but I don’t know

Modern medicine is excellent but they

Can’t cure “honesty impairment” though