OILY FOOD

 

When my dad was a boy, there was

No cooking oil or anything like that

Oil was for lubricating the garden gate

And you cooked everything in fat

WATER BOY

When my Granddad was a boy

Water came out of the tap

It was the wonder of the age

Fresh water from your tap

If a man had even suggested

They bottle it and sell it

For more than the price of beer

He’d have been repeatedly hit 

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 208

 

The man in the moon came tumbling down

And asked his way to Norwich;

You should have gone to Specsavers

Said a cheeky man from Ipswich

ARE YOU WEARING A KILT?

Are you wearing a kilt?

Won’t your extremities wilt?

Well, you’re a very hardy guy

And a braver man than I

You are pant less are you not?

Oh, so you’re not a proper Scot

So, you’re not very hardy guy

Nor a braver man than I

Well, if from tradition you avert

You’re just a man in a skirt 

YOU HAVE A REALLY DELICIOUS FIGURE

 

You have a really delicious figure

Oh, I so love it when you wiggle

As you parade with vim and vigour

And you make your goodies jiggle

IF YOU’RE CONSIDERING A TATT

 

If you’re considering a Tatt

I suggest you think about that

Realise what it is you’re looking at

And let me tip you the wink

Just pause if you’re on the brink

And think before you ink

VINCENT VAN GOGH’S SUNFLOWERS

 

Vincent Van Gogh’s Sunflowers

Brought me to tears

If I had painted them, I would

Have cut off both ears