BACK IN SMOGGY BERMONDSEY

 

When we were back

In smoggy Bermondsey

And all the money was spent

We looked back fondly

On our September holiday

Picking hops in Kent

OH DEAR WHAT CAN THE MATTER BE

Oh, dear what can the matter be

Three old ladies locked in the lavatory

And it all happened last Saturday

And nobody knew they were there

 

The first old lady was totally batty

And she was in there each Saturday

As I say she was really quite batty

And nobody cared she was there

 

The second old lady said sweetly

“I’m no lady oh how you flatter me”

I’ve not been here before on a Saturday

And we were surprised she was there

 

The third old lady was an anomaly

He was a man called Ian from Battersea

He didn’t even know it was Saturday

And didn’t know why he was there

I CAN’T WATCH CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON

I can’t watch Christopher Eccleston

I find his speech very distracting

He was clearly a graduate

Of the shouty school of acting 

I’VE ENROLLED MY DAUGHTER # 2

 

I’ve enrolled my Daughter

On the perfect class for her

Learning basic skills to hone

Like shopping on her own

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 192

 

I had a little pony,

They called him Bonny Blue.

I sold him to a man,

Who turned him into glue.

ARE YOU WEARING A TUTU?

 

Are you wearing a tutu?

Oh, it really does suit you

Give me a twirl oh do do

In your pretty little tutu

RED BRICK

 

Red Brick, built Britain

For common man and squire

Built from the ground up

Until they built an Empire