WHAT A DAY

 

On Monday he was grumpy

He was happy on Tuesday

So, God knows what kind

Of a dwarf he’ll be today

SHOP ASSISTANCE

 

I was shopping

With my wife

And we found ourselves

In the alcohol isle

But couldn’t decide

What we should get

So, we asked the man

Filling the shelf

What he would recommend

He gave us both

A cursory glance

Before he responded

“I think Crabbies for Madam

And for sir,

The Old Peculiar”

Cheeky git

We bought a case

Of Wine as well

A SMALL PRANG

 

I had a crash with another car

It was my fault, Granted

And the “little man” got out

And God how he ranted

“I’m not happy” he shouted

“I’m not happy” he said again

I just and smiled and said

“Which one are you then?”

CHRONIC CONTRADICTION

 

I am definitely not getting past it

I’m sorry I have to contradict

But my back trouble is a result

Of being Athletic, not arthritic

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 157

 

Three wise men of Gotham

Went to sea in a bowl:

Their wisdom was a misconception

They died and that’s natural selection

ARE YOU WEARING PRIMARK PANTS?

 

Are you wearing Primark pants?

Don’t you think that a little drastic?

You don’t want, on you wedding day

To be let down by cheap elastic

PILL POPPER # 1

 

Red and yellow and

Pink and Green

Purple and orange and blue

I take pills akimbo

Pills akimbo

I take quite a few