I HATE AUTOMATED SWITCHBOARDS

 

I hate automated switchboards

They are so annoyingly slow

I wanted to book tickets

For an Elvis act a know

Each minute on the phone

Was costing me dough

Then at last it said press 1

For the money, 2 for the show

VINDALOO

 

He had the Tarka Vindaloo

The rotter

It’s like Chicken Vindaloo

But its otter

I WORK AT THE MET OFFICE

 

I work at the met office

And my name is Bob

I have to do the pollen count

God it’s a difficult job

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 156

 

Tom, Tom of Islington,

Married a wife on Sunday,

And that’s all I will tell

Because to be honest it doesn’t end well

ARE YOU WEARING PERFUME?

 

Are you wearing perfume?

I can smell it in this room

It’s a very seductive brew

Are you sure its not you?

Then the answer is clear

And your brother has I fear

Without our consent Suzy

Been entertaining a floozy

KILLER PILL

 

I was given from the dispensary 

After my surgery

By a doctor so proficient

A tablet so efficient

That it dislocates your brain

So you really feel no pain

HE CAME IN THE NIGHT

 

He came in the night

The consummate thief

The taker of souls

Stealer of the cherished

Inhabitor of shadows

Blackness draping him

Like the night itself

The grim reaper

The snuffer of candles

The snatcher of life

The author of my grief