IN THE EUROPEAN FORESTS

 

In the European forests

The wild boar can be vicious

But it’s worth the risk

As they’re bloody delicious

SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE # 1

 

As a proud Briton

I will be disappointed

If Scotland, choose to go

 

As an Englishman

I’ll be disappointed

If they vote no

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 148

 

Elsie Marley's grown so fine,
She won't get up to feed the swine,
But lies in bed 'till eight or nine!
Doing the farm hands two at a time

ARE YOU WEARING BEIGE?

 

Are you wearing beige?

For one reason or another

But please don’t be telling me

That it’s your favourite colour

MY GIRL IS TEACHING ME A LANGUAGE

 

My girl is teaching me a language

Natalia is from Russia you see

But it is not going very well at all

She tried with simple things for me

Asking the Russian word for napkin

Soviette is not the answer apparently

SITTING ON THE BACK ROW

 

Sitting on the back row

When the cinema’s dark inside

With your left handed girl

Try to keep on her right side

MOBILE COMMUNICATION 2013

 

“I want to buy a mobile phone,

No I don’t want a camera,

Not even video,

No I don’t want movie down loads

Screensaver’s, internet access,

Or downloads of any kind

I don’t want WAP or WiFi

G3, G4 or G5

I don’t need 100 ringtones

10000 free minutes

Or unlimited texts at weekends

I don’t need a I GB data allowance

I don’t want to play games

I don’t need an MP3 player

I don’t want a tracker,

I neither want nor need

Blue tooth

Sharks tooth

Hounds tooth

Or dog tooth.

I do not require the world at my fingertips.

In short, what I want is a device

To make and receive phone calls

And to send and receive texts

I just want to buy a BLOODY PHONE”

“Thank you that one will be perfect

Does it have a torch?”