WIDOWERS RECOMPENSE

 

I am now a lonely widower

And all my buddies are dead

But there are compensations

That must definitely be said

 

There’s life in the old dog yet

That’s all I have to say,

As I go to the retirement home

For my fifty shades of grey

DEFROSTING THE FRIDGE

 

I spent two hours defrosting

The fridge yesterday

Although my darling wife

Prefers to call it foreplay

PATIENTS RIGHTS

 

A patient asked “nurse, why did you stop

My visitors coming to see me?”

She replied “you know perfectly well why,

You broke the rules Mr Ellery”

“But listen here I know my rights” he persisted

“I’m allowed to have three”

“You are allowed friends and family not

Prostitutes and takeaway deliveries"

CAN I BUY A GOLDFISH?

I went into a pet shop and said,

“Can I buy a goldfish?”

The girl said, “certainly sir

If that’s what you wish,

Do you want an aquarium?”

She asked putting me in a tiz

Finally, I replied “Well actually

I don't care what star sign it is”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 146

 

 

See a pin, pick it up
Then you're sure to have good luck,

See a pin, prick yourself

And end up with hepatitis

 

ARE YOU WEARING A BAGGY SWEATER?

 

Are you wearing a baggy sweater?

For a particular reason maybe

You haven’t suddenly become a frump

So, you must be having a baby

SALAD DODGERS

 

When the slot machines

Are played by those with obesity

In a life spent in the arcades

It’s the only fruit that they see