Whatever life throws at you
The thing you must do
To be at your very
best
Is bat it back with
interest
Or if you are out of
luck
Your best bet is to
duck
You are safe that way
If you duck out of the
way
When there is no way
to stop it
Then someone else will
cop it
When my girlfriend
Is wearing tights
And she over does it
Eating Turkish delight
Her mouth stuffed full
She starts to cough
Involuntarily farts
And blows her slippers
off
The old banger
Wouldn’t start this
morning
It wasn’t too long
after
The day was dawning
I just kept trying
Over and over
But I couldn’t
Get her to turn over
Until eventually
With a cough and a
fart
I managed to get
The old thing to start
Though not working
On full power
She got out of bed
And went in the shower
Off they go to the bakers
For a pie of pork and
pickle
Trundling along the
road
Riding on their
obesecycle
Realisation of my folly comes
As I lay abed at first
light
I took a sleeping pill
and
A laxative on the same
night
Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat
I can’t wait till Christmas to eat some of that
Coz I’m on the Atkins
diet and that’s a fact
I just hope that I
don’t have a heart attack
Are you wearing fake tan?
Or have you been out
in the sun
Either way I’m not
really fussed
But seeing your white
bits might be fun
