WORKING IN A SWEAT SHOP

 

Working in a sweat shop

Is, dawn to dusk, sew-sew

Conditions are appalling

And never thought so-so

I DON’T GO ON TWITTER

 

I don’t go on Twitter

To follow celebrity chatter

I find them contemptible

They should rename it Twatter

MATERNAL ABSTINENCE

My mum never touches strong drink

Which is her defensive buffering

Though not on religious grounds

It would interfere with her suffering

MATERNAL QUALIFICATIONS

 

Mum should be a parole officer

Because in her defence

With her around

No one finishes a sentence

SHOPPING ASSISTANCE

 

I went into an electrical shop

And could find no one to assist

I got angrier and angrier

Until finally I couldn’t resist

“Can someone sell me a toaster”

I shouted in a frustrated tiz 

A female assistant said “Kenwood?”

I took a deep breath and responded

“Let me explain something Ms

I just want someone to sell me a toaster

I don’t care what his name is”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 118

 

When good King Arthur ruled this land,

He was a goodly King;

But Lancelot did shag the Queen

And that was not the thing

So, he killed the Queen but spared Lance

As he was still loyal to his King

ARE YOU WEARING A CARNATION?

 

Are you wearing a carnation?

To mark you out at the station

As you stand beneath the clock

In your best evening frock

Or do you keep it under your cloak

Until you get a look at the bloke

And if you don’t fancy him

Do you throw it in the bin?