Tuesday, 24 May 2022

ARE YOU WEARING A CARNATION?

 

Are you wearing a carnation?

To mark you out at the station

As you stand beneath the clock

In your best evening frock

Or do you keep it under your cloak

Until you get a look at the bloke

And if you don’t fancy him

Do you throw it in the bin?

SINCE THE BBC SACKED ALL THE DALEKS # 9

 

Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks

Most are just scrounging off the state

But there is one working as a Miner

He doesn’t really communicate

And it scares a lot of the workers

When it says Excavate, Excavate

SENIOR REVELATION

 

One day you look in the mirror

And beneath the lathers

You realize that the face

You are shaving is your fathers

THE SECRET TO LONG LIFE

 

Rather than eating chicken soup

Just laugh a little every day

It’s much more beneficial

Well, that’s what the chickens say

SEND FOR THE UNDERTAKER

 

Oh God I feel so old

Just send for the undertaker 

I’ve started making the same noises

As my coffee maker

SHOPPING ENCOUNTER

 

Their eyes met at the supermarket

She clearly recognized him

But he was drawing a blank

So, a smile was exchanged between them

 

She decided to break the ice

And pleasantly, said "Hello!"

She obviously knew him

She was a stranger to him though

 

So, he asked, "Do you know me?

You do look familiar” he lied

"I think you're the father

Of one of my kids." She replied,

 

“Are you the drunken cheerleader?

I shagged under the bleachers’”

She gave him a look and said

“No, I'm one of your son's teachers"

BIG BONED

 

No, you don’t have “big bones”

That belief is mere folly

Let’s face it you’re just fat

It’s a shame you’re not jolly