21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 92

 

Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son John,

Went outside with no trousers on

Both shoes off and no pants on

Along came a policeman “You’re nicked son”

ARE YOU WEARING ANYTHING?

Are you wearing anything?

When you hear the phone ring

And do you reach for a negligee

Or are you comfortable that way

I know that when I give you a call

I want you to wear nothing at all

So, when next you hear it ring

Please don’t be wearing anything

THE COMMANDO GIRL # 3

 

When no undies you are wearing

You think yourself quite daring

Exercising your Joie de vivre

As you wander wild and free

And it’s so exciting for me to think

Of fresh air blowing around your mink

NONSENSICAL EPISODE # 6

 

The spa wrangled planner

No, the Tsar bangled tanner

The bra strangled Hannah

Or the scar dangled manor

The car mangled spanner

Or the bar tangled scanner

No, it’s the Star Spangled Banner

THE FOURTH EMERGENCY SERVICE

 

I was driving to work this morning

It was just as the day was dawning

And I noticed a parked-up AA van

And next to it was a crying man

But properly weeping and wailing

Down on his knees with arms flailing

I just shook my head with a frown

I knew he was headed for a breakdown

THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD

 

Edward Bulwer-Lytton wrote

“The pen is mightier than the sword”

This is, indeed, a fine sentiment.

That we should heartily applaud

But when faced with machine gun fire

I fear the proposition is flawed

I KNOW WITH CERTAINTY

 

I know with certainty

That, nine times out of ten

When in my house

Something is broken

Or just malfunctioning

I know before I see it

The probability is

One of my kids did it

And the 10 percent of times

They are off the hook

Then I know who to blame

By my wife’s guilty look