PRETTY LITTLE MARY

 

Pretty little Mary

Lives on the prairie

And works in the dairy

Her routine doesn’t vary

 

Pretty little Mary

Skips like a fairy

Sings like a canary

But is cautiously wary

 

Pretty little Mary

Is on the contrary

Really rather hairy

And a little bit scary

ARE YOU WEARING A BODY STOCKING?

 

Are you wearing a body stocking?

Something chic, sheer and shocking

Sexy all in one and figure hugger

I bet your bum still looks like a mugger

SENIOR NETWORKING

 

A young lady I met in the street

Asked of me “Sir, do you tweet”?

I answered, “No, of course not

But I have to say I do trump a lot.”

LABOUR SAVING THINGAMAJIGS

 

At my age I can safely say

I do not need more gizmo’s

Labour saving thingamajigs

And gadgetry so-and-sos

The garage door opener

And the TV remote

With those two things

I can just about cope

And I sometimes find

Though they are useful

I get them mixed up

To be quite truthful

NOBODY IS PERFECT

 

Do I care she’s not a perfect 10?

I’m really not that fickle

To be honest any bit of fluff

Gives me a trouser tickle

THE COMMANDO GIRL # 1

 

I think that down below you are bare

You have nothing on down there

There are things you’re not wearing

And I think you’re incredibly daring

But should the temperature turn ill

And you feel in danger of a chill

Fear not for I will execute my plans

And rescue you with my warm hands

THE LOST WEEKEND

 

Oh, what calamity did befall?

What an embarrassment for us all

We over imbibed on Saturday night

And awoke on Sunday none too bright

On the porch the paper lay unread

We couldn’t face it and went back to bed

So next morning which was Monday

We found the paper and thought it was Sunday

So, we had a relaxing fun day

Not realising it was really Monday

On Tuesday when I returned to work

I really felt a proper berk

My boss had a true-blue fit

And saw no humour at all in it

And verbally assailed me with his rancour

Then he called me a total fool