BAGS OF SACKS

 

What sacks should I use?

In the garden?

Should I use plastic?

Or maybe Hessian?

 

I’m not sure I care

To be quite factual

I suppose it’s because

I am bi-sacksual

I AM DEFINITELY READY TO SAY IT

 

I am definitely ready to say it

I hope she is ready to hear it

How will she take it, who knows?

I take a deep breath and here goes

I stutter and I stammer thru

She said “I know and I love you too

THE HOLD OUT

 

You are so cute and fit

But you don’t seem up for it

Is there a reason you won’t play

Do you swing the other way?

Are you playing hard to get

Or haven’t met the “one” yet

It will take more than charmers

To get into your pyjama’s

Because I think for a start

They must get into your heart

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 88

 

Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,

Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.

When the pie was launched the tills began to sing,

It seems that McDonalds will fob you off with anything

DREAMS ARE REALLY VERY ODD # 2

 

Dreams are really very odd

Last night my wife sat up and said

“Tell Lionel to stop

It’s really hurting my head”

I enquired politely

What the hell she was on about

“Lionel Blair is in the wardrobe

Get the tosser out”

Now considering the early hour

I had the patience of Job

And softly said “Why would he 

Be in our wardrobe”?

A fare question, I thought

She just gave me a frown

“Tap dancing you idiot”

And then she lay back down

STAYING ATTRACTIVE

 

It seems to me that a man in his middle years

Is rendered more attractive, almost immediately,

To the opposite sex, if found to be wealthy

And/or he is a well-known TV celebrity

ARE YOU WEARING A BRA?

 

Are you wearing a bra?

It doesn’t look as if you are

I think underneath your shirt

Your breasts are free and pert

And clearly if they are

Then you don’t need to wear a bra