BOOKING OFFICE

I requested a train ticket to Paris

And the ticket seller said “Eurostar”

“Well, I've done a bit of telly”

I said “but I'm no Alan Carr”

AT THE ANIMAL SHELTER

 

I went to an Animal shelter today

I wasn’t impressed as a matter of fact

It was incredibly small an pokey

There wasn’t enough room to swing a cat

 

LL$!!FAM@!!£ER L#%@$!?!?ILIOG

 

I was in North Wales

Just the other day

When I was verbally assailed

While visiting Conway

A string of fourteen letter words

Was hurled my way                                   

BURNT OFFERINGS

 

My wife burns the toast

She makes a habit of it

Then puts it in the garden

For the sparrows and the tits

 

Not many birds are keen

Even in the harshest weather

But you can spot those who are

Because of the curly feathers

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 73

 

Little Tommy Tucker sings for his suppers,

Because he is so down on his uppers

But he doesn’t get much out of it

Because his singing is really shit

THE TROUBLE WITH FLIES

 

Flies spread many diseases

That are diagnosed

So for the sake of public health

Keep yours closed

UNCONTAINABLE

 

The fetor of the sewerage farm

With its strong offensive smell

Could not be easily confined

Behind the high palings of its cell