21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 56

 

Little Tommy Tucker sings for his supper,

What shall we do for him? He’s a bit of a nutter

And he can’t sing a note everyone knows

So we’ll audition him on one of Simons shows

SEXUAL PREFERENCES # 4

I have a favourite type of girl,

But it’s not like I am facile

Nothing wrong with preferences

I just like my girls to be gracile

 

Sinuous and willowy

I don’t look for a pretty face

But they should have about them

Some elegance and grace

 

It takes the like of Nimble Kimble

Or the lovely Lithe Blythe

The aptly named Bendy Wendy

Or Lissom Blossom to feast my eyes 

BREATH OF WIND

 

To break wind alfresco

Seems to me such a waste

If you can feel it coming

Move inside with all haste

Stand under the air conditioning

Then everyone gets a taste

DISRESPECTING THE BOSS

 

Gwen looks like Mavis Cruet,

The plump clumsy fairy,

The one from Willo the Wisp

All warty and hairy

 

Mavis was too fat too fly

With erratic magical powers

Gwen knows what we call her

And she sits in her office and glowers

 

She may look like Mavis Cruet,

But in truth she’s like Evil Edna

And she will wreak her revenge

Because she’s our employer

ST ANTHONY

 

St Anthony is a patron saint

Of lost things, articles and bits

I once had a St Anthony Medal

But I don’t know where to find it

PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE

 

Here is an important life tip

That will help you like as not

If you see a lot, take a few

If you see a few, take the lot

YOU CAN DO ANYTHING

 

You can wear an ankle bracelet

And have piercings through your bits

You can even have a tramp stamp

But don’t go messing with your tits

 

You can wear a thong up your bum

You can remove every hair you’ve grown

You can show everyone your belly

But please leave your tits alone

 

I’ll admit they’re not the biggest

But you have the perfect little pair

I don’t want you to look like Jordan

With two footballs hanging there

 

Your breasts were made by nature

And by definition they are perfection

I don’t want a surgeon Frankenstein

Messing with your lovely confections