21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 52

 

I'm bringing home my baby bumble bee

Won’t my Mommy be so proud of me

But my baby bumble bee went and stung me

So, I stomped on that bastard bumble bee

LOOSE MORALS # 3

 

There was some show n tell at the hotel

When she showed her tits in St Kitts

She was asked to leave would you believe

So, she showed them again on the plane

DOCTOR MANNERS

 

Elsie went to see her doctor

Because of persistent back pain

The doctor was less than sympathetic

Having to examine her again

“I’m sorry Elsie but as I told you before

Its old age, you’re just getting on a bit”

Elsie demanded a second opinion

He said “ok, you also have saggy tits”

THE LATEST FAD

 

I’ve been on every diet known to man

Atkins, Lemonade, Cabbage and f-plan

And I’ve never lost a thing worthy of mention

But I try every new one, full of good intention

Now I'm on the Whisky diet, which I’m taking steady

And do you know I've lost three days already.

GO WAYNE

 

“Wayne, go to the paper shop”

“Wayne? Go to the paper shop”

“Can’t do it babe, it can’t be done”

“Wayne, just get off your bum”

“Can’t be done babe, I can’t do it”

“Wayne just do it you lazy git”

“I’m not being lazy babe honestly”

“It just can’t be done babe really”

“Coz I went to the paper shop yesterday

And it had blown away”

BIX

 

Leon Bismark "Bix" Beiderbecke

(March 10, 1903 – August 6, 1931)

 

It was said of Bix

That his Cornet spat out notes

Like shooting bullets at a bell

And his solos sounded as sweet

As a girl saying yes.

Bix Beiderbecke was simply the best

He was at the birth of hot music

His light illuminated

The jazz age

His Cornet accompanied

The roaring twenties

He was a romantic legend,

The young man with a Horn

But in keeping with the character

Of the very best of youth

His flame burned very brightly

But equally it burned quickly

And like the most beautiful star

He burned himself out

All too soon

Bix lived for the jazz

But died for the booze

CORNERING THE MARKET

 

The corner shop has reopened

It’s been closed for a bit

It’s got new owners

And they’ve had a refit

I’m not sure if it will succeed

It’s a bit of a niche market

But there’s a new corner shop

So, I thought I would try it

I told them “It’s a bit specialized”

I felt it only fare to warn her

And it’s called “the corner shop”

I just bought the four corners