SCUBA TECHNIQUE

 

Have you ever wondered why it is?

When sitting on the edge of the boat

Scuba divers always fall backwards

When entering the water, well take note 

It’s because if they were to fall forwards

They would go face first into the boat

A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

A balanced diet

Is what is planned

Which invariably

Means I understand

Something healthy

Something bland

 

A healthy lifestyle

Is what is planned

So, a balanced diet

If I might expand

Does not involve

A pie in each hand

A SHADOW OF YOUR FORMER SELF

 

In your younger days

Your figure was quite svelte

You were trim and fit

And you didn’t need a belt

 

You were dapper and neat

And sartorially proud

Now your clothes are garish

And horribly loud

 

In your untailored attire

You lack any kind of taste

And all of your trousers

Have an elasticated waist

 

Your health is not the best

You have a dicky heart

Your digestion is quite iffy

And you’re prone to fart

 

I look back to the past

And the feelings I felt

When your manly cologne

Was the only thing I smelt

 

Now that you're mature

And your skin no longer fits

For some unknown reason

I still love you to bits

PHILOSOPHICAL FACT

 

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion

I have no argument with that

But I would very strongly make the point

They cannot have their own facts

LESS IS MORE

 

You don’t need to be frumpy

But I don’t want brassy

There’s no need to dress like my aunty

But I’m not looking for flashy

I don’t want to see everything

So don’t put it all on display

You don’t need to be obvious

I have an imagination, ok?

I don’t want to see it all

On display in the window

You don’t need to go in the shop

When everything is on show

You can allude to what you have

Without putting it all on display

But I don’t want to see it all

Save something for a rainy day

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 31

 

London Bridge is falling down,

Falling down, falling down,

And the reason that its falling down

Built by Wimpy

PUT DOWN # 30

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

When he sidles up to you with his pick up line

Before he has chance to deliver it

Just say to him

“Nice cologne, but did you have to marinate in it?”