MY AUNT WAS THIRTY WHEN SHE LOST HER VIRGINITY

 

My Aunt was thirty when she lost her virginity

She had left it so late as the act was so dreaded

But was relieved when it had finally happened,

And wasn’t so much deflowered as deadheaded

PUT DOWN # 63

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he says “hey doll can I buy you a drink”

Let him buy you a drink at the bar

Then speak “Let me just say that if bullshit

Was music, you'd be a full orchestra”

WHAT DO YOU CALL A ROOSTER WHO WAKES

 

What do you call a rooster who wakes

You up every morning at five o’clock

His actual name is Foghorn Leghorn

But we like to call him the alarm cock

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – WENT THE DAY WELL? (1942)

 

“Went the Day Well?” is a World War II thriller, based on the story by Graham Greene and Directed by Alberto Cavalcanti.

The residents of an English village during WWII welcome a platoon of soldiers who are to be billeted with them, but the trusting residents eventually discover that the soldiers are really German paratroopers who proceed to hold the village captive in advance of a planned invasion.

The Germans block all the roads, so no one is allowed in or out, so the villagers must try to smuggle someone out to alert the outside world to the impending invasion.     

 

“Went the Day Well?” is one not to be missed and is very watchable with a large familiar cast that reads as a veritable who’s who of British Cinema in the 1930’s and 40’s including;

Leslie Banks, C.V. France, Valerie Taylor, Marie Lohr, Harry Fowler, Norman Pierce, Frank Lawton, Elizabeth Allan, Thora Hird, Muriel George, Patricia Hayes, Mervyn Johns, Hilda Bayley, Edward Rigby, Johnnie Schofield, Ellis Irving, Philippa Hiatt, Grace Arnold, Basil Sydney, David Farrar and John Slater.

PUT DOWN # 64

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he says “hey doll can I buy you a drink”

Give him a measured look and rebuff

“Look I know we all sprang from apes,

But I’m afraid you didn't spring far enough”

I WAS INVITED TO MY FRIEND’S WEDDING

I was invited to my friend’s wedding

Well, he used to be my friend at any rate

The wedding invite said, me +1

So, I naturally turned up an hour late

MY DAD IS JUST LIKE A LAPTOP

 

My dad is just like a laptop,

If you interact with him and stop

And for ten minutes don’t make a peep

He will always go to sleep