SENIOR MOMENT AT THE SALON

 

I walked into a hair salon

With my mother-in-law one day

With a shop full of customers

I proceeded to loudly say

"How much do you charge

For a shampoo and a blow job?"

I turned around and walked out

Leaving behind a laughing mob

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

 

My sister and I were at the mall 

not really doing much at all

Window shopping round about

Nothing really just hanging out

We were looking at young men’s butts

By a stand selling sweets and nuts

When the selection caught my eye

The young man offered help and I reply

"No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister laughs and I felt a putz

A MOTHERS TALE # 1

 

While in queue at the bank one afternoon

My toddler decided to act the loon

Tired of the queues disapproving glare

I managed to grab firm hold of her

I told her if her bad behaviour did not finish

"Right now" then she would be punished

To my horror to my face for all to see

She loudly began to threaten me

With narrowed eyes and furrowed brow

"If you don't let me go right now,

I will tell Grandma what I saw alright

When you kissed Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

With all the dignity that I could muster

I tried to show no sign of fluster

In deathly silence with all eyes on me

I headed quickly for the door to flee

As I Dragged my daughter though the door

I heard laughter erupt in a hilarious roar

WARNING TO DRINKERS # 1

 New health warnings should be

On bottles and tins for us to see

Warnings clearly on display

That the consumption of alcohol may

Make you think, like as not

That you are whispering when you are not

PARENTAL WISDOM

 

I learned as a parent

Amid all the pressures

That brushing the hair

Of my little treasures

Is without doubt

One of life's great pleasures

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – CARRIE (1976)

 

“Carrie” is a horror classic, screenplay by Lawrence D. Cohen, based on the Novel by Stephen King and Directed by Brian De Palma.

 

High school senior Carrie White (Sissy Spacek), is a shy, unworldly, and friendless teenage girl who has been sheltered from real life by her domineering, fanatically religious mother (Piper Laurie), while struggling in secret with the special telekinetic powers she possesses, a secret which she cannot divulge to her mother as she would consider it to be a gift from the devil.

The only adult authority figure who tries to help Carrie with her life is her Physical Education teacher, Miss Collins (Betty Buckley) but she is warned by the Principle not to get too involved.

After an incident of bullying by her classmates the culprits are banned from attending the Senior Prom and blame Carrie so they plan to exact their revenge on her by humiliating her in front of everyone at the Prom.

So will they succeed or will she unleash her telekinetic powers on them in a horrifying display of rage.

Amy Irving, William Katt, John Travolta, Nancy Allen and P.J. Soles play Carries classmates, good and bad, in what is possibly the best movie adaptation of a Stephen King novel.

DEAR JOHN

 

If John Prescott went to the circus

When the big top came to town

And there were twelve clowns in the ring

If he jumped in the ring joining the clowns

And started reciting Shakespeare to the audience

They would only see him as the thirteenth clown