The difference between
Neurosis
and psychosis
Is
not prerequisite
A
psychotic believes
2
+ 2 = 5
Even
if it doesn’t fit
While
a neurotic knows
2
+ 2 = 4
But
really doesn’t like it
Tuesday, 4 May 2021
TONIE AND GORDIE
ON THE TOWN
Tuneless pub singers
Tired
old swingers
Sad
old slappers
Slow
hand clappers
Come
lately Johnnies
Candies
and Ronnie’s
Funny
pill poppers
Dressed
up toppers
Sleazy
night clubbers
Sailors
and lubbers
Robbers
and dippers
Inherent
bad tippers
Bar
room brawlers
Merry
pub-crawlers
Giggling
hen parties
Hail
and hearties
Noisy
stag nighters
Scrappers
and fighters
Uni
rag-weekers
Sure,
thing seekers
Familiar
city sight
Every
Saturday night
AFFORD A BEAMER
Have you ever noticed
How
many cars are BMW’s
Every
man and his dog it seems
Is
driving one. Do you?
There
are so many drivers today
Who
now drive a Beamer
There
are so many in fact
They’ve become today’s Cortina
PLUMBING TIPS
Plumbing holds no secrets
If
you follow these tips
Male
always fits into female
Even
the new push fits
To
do it up or turn it on
Righty,
Tighty is the way
And
to undo or turn off
SCOUT ABOUT
What became of
“Brussel
Sprouts”
Also
known as
Good
boy scouts
Dib,
Dib, Dib
Dob,
Dob, Dob
Eagerly
helping
Doing
bob a job
Ging
Gang Gooley
And
Kum Ba Ya
Traditional
singing
Around
the campfire
What
became of
Good
boy scouts
There
still out there
I
have no doubt
But
they’re not doing
Bob
a job’s
They
are behaving
Like
yobs
And
instead of helping
Like
they oughta
They’re
in the scout hut
Doing
your daughter
PET LOVER
The Brits love pets
Some
even have a few
The
man on the street
And
celebrities too
And
even Julian Clary
Friday, 30 April 2021
REWRITING HISTORY ONE FACT AT A TIME # 3
If there is one thing that irritates me more than any other, it has to
be historical inaccuracies in film and TV scripts.
Now I’m not talking about things like Braveheart or The Battle of the
Bulge or countless other attempts’ by the Americans to rewrite history.
No, the things that irritate me are the little things, the small easy to
verify things, the things that they just can’t be bothered to do right.
For example,
take The 2006
movie “the Holiday” with Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Jack Black and
Eli Wallach, which. I particularly liked.
It has all the ingredients required for a great Christmas film, engaging
characters, humour, pathos, romance, cute kids and a happy ending, or in
this case a multiple happy ending.
That aside the Grinch in me won’t forgive the unpardonable sin of a
glaring error and a failure to research correctly.
Eli Wallach’s character, Arthur, asks Iris played by Kate Winslet
“What part of England are you from?”
To which she replies “Surrey”
“Cary Grant was from Surrey” Arthur says
“That’s right he was” Iris confirms
No, he bloody wasn’t from Surrey he was from Bristol.
How did they not get that right, why did they not check a simple fact
like that?
If they wanted to keep the Cary Grant reference, Iris could have
answered Arthur’s question.
“What part of England are you from?”
By saying, “Bristol”
Or if they wanted her to be from Surrey, why didn’t they pick another
internationally known actor from Surrey such as Bill Nighy, Colin
Firth, Edward Woodward, Julia Ormond, Julie
Andrews, Laurence Olivier, Peggy Ashcroft, Peter Cushing or Ronald
Colman.
How simple would that have been “Laurence Olivier was from Surrey”
Arthur could have said, but no they had to ruin an otherwise perfectly good
film.
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