SPLASH OUT

 

I was at a garage today

And at the next pump there was a porno star

Just as the fuel began to flow

He took out the nozzle and sprayed over the car

YANKEE DOODLE

 

I have just had a Yankee

Which is similar to a quickie

Only you do it alone you see

ABRAHAM MARTIN AND JOHN

 

Was Abraham Lincoln a truly heroic figure is he worthy of his place in history?

Did he really care about the slaves in the southern states that he rallied the north into fighting a bloody war for their freedom?

Or was it just political expedience?

It is certainly true that the south had a distinct advantage over their northern counterparts as they had virtually no labour costs in producing their cash crops.

Undoubtedly its true that for the north to prosper it was necessary for slavery to end in order that the Union and the Confederacy be on a level playing field.

So, what was Lincoln’s true motivation?

I believe he put people first, all people. 

I believe the man was as good as history has painted him.

 

When martin Luther king had his dream was it truly about equality?

Did he really dream of a day when black and white children would play together?

Did he dream of utopia?

Or was his dream simply about turning the table on the whites?

Did he dream of a day when the USA was run by the blacks for the blacks?

I believe he did dream of utopia and in his utopia black and white children did play together.

I believe the man was as good as history has painted him.

 

When John Fitzgerald Kennedy’s administration dragged America kicking and screaming into a new age of democracy and civil freedoms but what was his motive?

Was he the puppet of the mafia?

Did his real beliefs echo his own father’s right-wing leanings?

He was certainly a womanizer but that in itself does not make him a bad man.

I believe his politics were sound and his motives true.

I believe the man was as good as history has painted him.

 

I think all three men were truly good men with noble intentions they were not perfect but then whom of us are even good men have flaws.

I consider myself to be very fortunate because of these three great men two have lived in my lifetime.

Sadly, however they all met a violent end, assassinated at the height of their power and influence.

What greatness might they have achieved if their lives had not been cut short by an assassin’s bullet.

THE COURT OF HUMAN RIGHTS

 

The court of human rights recently made their final ruling in regard to the British law, which prohibits the right of convicted or sentenced prisoners from voting in elections.

The court in its infinite wisdom has ruled that the British state cannot withdraw the right to vote from any citizen for any reason.

To my mind however to cast your vote is not a right but a privilege and when you have been convicted of a crime you have no consideration for the rights and privileges of the victim of your crime or any respect for society as a whole or its offices and institutions.

Therefore, it is only right and proper that when incarcerated you should lose your privileges. 

THERE IS KNOWLEDGE I NEED TO KNOW # 10

There is knowledge I need to know

Which would help me dispel a myth

If someone invented instant water,

What would you have to mix it with

SLEEP PERCHANCE TO DREAM

 

Finally, my tired mind was at peace

And my eyes closed, and I was able to dream

But after falling asleep it seemed

Like minutes, before the alarm began to scream

NO FINGER POINTING GUARANTEED

I worked for the same man for more than twenty years and for most of those years it was like working for a schizophrenic because of his mood swings.

One day he would be an irrational gibbering idiot, next day completely rational and on another day, he was like a zombie.

It was like he’d had speed on his cornflakes one morning and downers in his coffee the next.

His poor diet didn’t help his condition with his favourite meal being a Big Mac, Large fries and a Chockie shake.

On his lucid days he was a sound bite man. He liked what he considered to be well-constructed snappy phases, which got right to the crux or essence of any situation.

The reality of course was something quite different.

He probably took a lot of his key words from the self-help book “How to speak employer drivel”    

The problem was that although they may well have worked in California, they lost some of their edge when spoken in a Lancashire accent.

Some words and phrases though lasted almost as long as I knew him for example:

“BASICALLY” as used in “Basically Paul you work for me I don’t work for you”

“NOW WE’RE COOKING WITH GAS” this denoted things were going well.

“KICKING ASS AND TAKING NAMES” this was in lieu of a greeting.

“HEY, TAKE NO PRISONERS, ME” this was the prelude to negotiation.

“NO FINGER POINTING GUARANTEED” I still don’t know what this means.

The most interesting thing I ever heard him say was “I wonder what the collective noun is for a busload of nutter’s”. Even to this day I have no idea what prompted him to say it and as soon as he’d finished speaking, he turned on his heels and returned to his office.

The scary thing is that he was ever employed in such a position of responsibility and even scarier still I’m sure that there are a lot more like him out there.