ON THE COUCH

 

Why is it that psychoanalysis for men

Is so much quicker than it is for women?

When it's time to go back to childhood, then

He’s already there way back when

BBC - BIG BUDGET CUTS

Having heard the news about the job losses and general cutbacks at the BBC I thought you might be interested in seeing this leaked BBC document from Dame Leslie to her underlings or department heads that found it way into me possession.

Beneath the BBC logo it is sub headed BIG BUDGET CUTS.

We need to make economies or that’s your bonus gone and the cars.

LAVATORIES, it would be preferable if staff could hold it until they get home but if they must use our facilities they should not flush every time they go, one in three is ample and they only need to wash one hand.

CLEANING SERVICES will be cut and staff will need clean their own offices and studios or get someone to do it for them, the public school boys will know what that means.

CATERING, teabags should be shared and all vending machines, tea trolleys and canteens will only sell food that’s past it sell by date your normally good for a week out of date anyway and I think fresh sandwiches are overrated.

 

This is only the first salvo in the war on waste.

 

Signed Dame Leslie Douglas

 

I expect her new catch phrase will be “glad not to have you on board”

I’ll keep you posted if I get any more. 

MIDSOMER MURDER

 

I was thinking recently about Midsomer murders and how in the first series inspector Barnaby had another daughter.

Cully was either still at school or at college and her older sister whose name escapes me was married.

However, she had the annoying habit of returning home every time she and her husband had a tiff.

These visits were not well received by Barnaby and were often accompanied by wailing, gnashing of teeth and a good deal of tears.

However now there is only Cully and even she was absent in the last outing.

Does anyone know what happened to the elder daughter?

Maybe Tom could take no more and she’s under the patio.

That would be a twist.

However now I come to think of it I maybe confusing Barnaby with Inspector Wexford.

HIGHLANDER

 

Great news of a new reality show that might even be worth watching.

Highlander – (There can be only one)

All the competitors need to do is perfect a really dodgy accent, grow their hair long and dress flamboyantly.

Some degree of expertise with a sword might be useful but not essential and then the public get to vote on who they would like to see decapitated.

Get Laurence Llewellyn Bowen to host and it can’t fail.

GOT THE T-SHIRT

 

I have been there and seen it all

I have been there and done it all

Can't remember much of it at all

LETS FACE IT

 

Why don't men fake an orgasm?

Well, the answers is quite obvious

Because no man would ever pull

A stupid face like that on purpose

YOU !@*$$£! *!&%$£*

Have you ever noticed?

When driving around and about

Or even there and back

Anybody going slower than you

Is an idiot

And anyone going faster is a maniac