VESUVIUS

 

Vesuvius is what

We called my sister Grace

It was because of all the

Eruptions on her face

RICH BITCH

This life can really be an awful bitch

Which is why I would rather be rich

There are Some people who get so rich

People who find themselves so wealthy

That they lose all respect for humanity

And that's just how rich I want to be.

ANSWER THIS TOMMY

 

The Teacher asks one of the class clowns

"Can you give me three collective nouns?"

Tommy replies in keeping with his demeanour

"Flypaper, wastebasket, and vacuum cleaner"

I SWEAR

You never really learn

To swear or cuss

Until you learn to drive

A car or bus

IT’S THAT TIME AGAIN

 

I have often read about

Many women complaining

About that strange

Premenstrual Syndrome thing

Not my wife though

Not that I’ve heard anyway

It’s the only time of month

She can be herself she’d say

LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE, #2

 

According to Murphy’s law

If anything can go ill

Horribly wrong or awry

It almost certainly will

AT THE SCHOOL GATE

 

A leafy suburban avenue

Nice and quiet as a rule

But this peaceful avenue

Leads to a junior school

Alone or in twos and threes

They begin to arrive

Up the road in time

For home time at three oh five

In variety they gather

Mostly mums or minders

Aunts or siblings

And dads in growing numbers

Some arrive on foot

But mostly they have a ride

Some plod wearily

While others proudly stride

An illegally parked parent

Falls foul of the law

And the language matches

From the driver’s door

The throng of adults

Arranged about the gate

Gossip and chat idly

While they stand and wait

The door bursts open

And boisterous kids spill out

Some crane neck to see

While others give a shout

Some appear dishevelled

And others prim and neat

Untucked clothes

And laces flap about their feet

Some run to the gate

Others trudging and lagging

With coats or bags following

Behind them dragging

The children drawn like moths

Towards the light

Amidst the heaving throng

The families reunite

Occasionally one’s dispatched

At a parent’s behest

To retrieve forgotten items,

A lunch box or a vest

Not all the children leave

At home time though

Some stay an hour or two

Before its time to go

Working parents

Unable to find someone to sub

Need to send their children

To after school club

In minutes the disgorging mass

Drifts from the gate

The crowd dispersing

As a stream of cars evacuate

It came like a tornado

Who’s sound assaults the ear

Then once more returned

To peaceful leafy suburbia