The metropolitan police arrested a man
He wasn’t a Londoner he was from Iran
What’s his form they would like to know
There’s nothing about him at the C.R.O.
They decided to call the police in Tehran
To see if they had anything on the man
And he had a record in Iran you know
According to those at the Iranian C.R.O.
Two previous convictions for a start
In a box were a hand and a private part
With two priors don’t let him escape
He had one for theft and one for rape
In life we’re all looking for someone attractive
However we find looks can be very deceptive
When you eventually spot a prospective mate
Well made with a great figure you highly rate
Provocatively dressed with toe nails painted
You take her home so as to get more acquainted
As if a magician has suddenly said abracadabra
When you get her vest off followed by her bra
You’re both standing naked and everything sags
Her breasts now look like roof tilers nail bags
I’ve often noticed that life
Can be very queer
When the people who spend
Their money on beer
Almost any form of gambling,
Oh and they smoke
Complain of feeling ill
And they’re always broke
If marriage is an institution
And love is blind as they say
Then marriage must be an
Institution for the blind per-se
I have wondered what it would be like
To be a lesbian or do they say dyke?
All the advantages of being a man
Getting off with girls when you can
And drooling over gorgeous gals
Without the embarrassing genitals
One of the problems with old age
And there are a few at this late stage
Apart from my weakened bladder
Is when I reach the top of the ladder
Which in itself is no mean feat at all
It’s leant against the wrong bloody wall
Reality is that which,
A philosopher might say
When you stop believing in it,
Doesn’t go away
