QUESTION

 

If you ask a question that

You don’t want answering

Expect an answer that

You won’t want to be hearing

COLOR MY WORLD

 

There are only seven colors in a rainbow

There are no other colors of which I know

Peach for example, is not a color but a fruit

So are Avocado, Pumpkin, and Plum to boot

I don’t know how you would categorize

Things like Sahara, Safari and even Sunrise

Fuchsia, Fawn or Oatmeal you can choose

And there’s Beige, Stone and similar hues

They’re not colors as I said from the start

So why do they appear on a color chart?

Snippets of Downshire Life – Winnie the Pooh Day

On the west side of Downshire is the town of Northchapel which had always been the Industrial powerhouse of the County and although it doesn’t physically occupy its centre it is the beating heart of the Region.

In recent generations its fortunes had suffered greatly but in the 21^st century major regeneration of the town was underway.

And in amongst the maze of roads, crescents, and cul-de-sacs of the new housing developments, lived seventy-four-year-old widow, Howard Rawlins and his Jack Russell Sparky.

 

Every night at ten o’clock he took Sparky for a walk, and it was always a pleasant yet uneventful ritual they both went through last thing every night before turning in, and then it was Christmas time again, as if anyone could fail to notice, within five minutes of leaving the house he saw more than half a dozen houses decorated to the hilt.

But that was nothing compared to some of the homes on view during his and Sparky’s late evening walks.

Houses bedecked with every coloured light imaginable, Santa's on the roof or climbing a ladder, sleighs, elves, snowmen, angels, reindeer, bells, stars, baubles and last but by no means least, at one particular house, standing almost four feet high, and seated in the middle of the lawn was that perennial Christmas favourite, Winnie the Pooh.
“Wait a minute” he said to Sparky “what does Pooh have to do with Christmas?”

Sparky however declined to answer as he was preoccupied with sniffing a lamppost.

So, he said no more but as their walked continued on the nights following he spotted Pooh often, not at every other house, but a lot seemed to have one so he figured that there must be something in it.
He was a regular church goer, and had been all his life, but he didn’t recall mention of him in the bible and in the many nativity plays he had seen over the years he was conspicuous by his absence and although there was definitely a donkey, it was not Eeyore.
The stable did not house Piglet, and the wise men did not travel from the east with Tigger bearing gifts of Huney.
Nor in any of the Christmas traditions around the world is there a single reference to Pooh as one of Santa's helpers.
There was Black Peter, The Jolly Elf, even the devil figure, Krampus, but no Pooh, but people still gave him pride of place on their lawns at Christmas.

The Decorations began to disappear in the days following Christmas, some as early as the 27^th of December, a lot on New Year’s Day, those homes belonging to the superstitious removed theirs on 12^th night and the remainder waited until the weekend after, which was when the large Winnie the Pooh was removed from the lawn.

 

Two weeks later Howard was sitting beside the fire reading the newspaper with Sparky at his feet, when a story caught his eye about events around the county celebrating Winnie the Pooh Day and he said.

“Today is the day when the 4ft Pooh should be in pride of place on number 75s lawn, Sparky, not Christmas, I wonder if they even know”

Sparky lifted one ear in response and that was the sum total of his interest.

Later that night they went out for their usual walk and took their usual route but when they got close to number 75, Howard stopped in his tracks and laughed, because in the middle of their lawn was the illuminated 4ft Pooh, but he was surrounded by two dozen other, of various sizes and in different poses.

“Well, I guess they do know its Winnie the Pooh day then Sparks” he said, but Sparky was only interested in getting on with their walk.

A PEACEFUL END

 

I want to die peacefully in my sleep

Like my grandfather did without a fuss

I don’t want to die screaming in terror

Like all the passengers did on his Bus

TONIGHTS THE NIGHT

 

Jim Owen was talking with his best man Billy Wright

About his coming nuptials on his wedding night

Jim was all expectant about his coming night of bliss

And he was determined it was a night he would not miss

Jim was anticipating that his dreams would be fulfilled

Billy on the other hand was a little less than thrilled

He was a bit concerned that his friend might not survive

For Jim was eighty-four and his bride was twenty-five

Aren’t you just a little worried about the wedding night?

Billy asked but Jim assured him everything would be all right

But wont the sex be dangerous do you think it’s really wise

Well, I think its worth the risk mate but if she dies, she dies

Uncanny Tales – (10) Home Time

 

It was Friday afternoon and fatigue was setting in, I had been quite unwell in the previous few weeks, so my first full week back under the yoke had taken its toll.

I was working on a very complicated spreadsheet, which was sending me cross eyed, so when I looked up at the clock and saw it was a quarter to 5, I thought that will do for me, it was a few minutes before my time but I thought it was close enough.

Afterall I wasn’t anywhere near completing the spreadsheet so I figured I would attack it again on Monday when I was fresh.

I shut down my laptop and packed it into my backpack and gathered the rest of my belongings together.

There weren’t many staff left in the office by that time, half of our compliment were in a finance meeting and the remainder were dotted around sparsely.

Kenny, who sat diagonally opposite me glanced at the clock and said

“Slipping away early?

“Yes, a bit” I replied, though I was little puzzled by his comment as it was only a few minutes earlier than normal, and then he added

“I suppose you must be exhausted after working a full week”

We both laughed and then I said my goodbyes and left, but as I pulled out of the car park I was still a bit niggled by Kenny’s comment, but I put on a CD and my annoyance soon evaporated away.

The drive across town to where my wife worked was unremarkable, the traffic was no better or no worse than it usually was, but when I reached the road behind her office building there were an abundance of parking spaces which was not the norm, ordinarily getting a parking space was something of a bun fight, but I wasn’t complaining as I drove into the nearest space to the building.

I didn’t bother turning the engine off as she was normally out promptly at five on a Friday, but when it reached 5 past and she was a no show, and no one else had come out either, I switched off the engine assuming that her boss had called a late meeting, which was not beyond the realms of possibility as it had happened before.

However within another five minutes something happened that challenged my thought process, I received a text, from Linda, my wife, but it wasn’t a “sorry running late” or “stuck in a meeting” or “Be with you in 10 minutes”

It was “Hey hon did you remember to get the mince out the freezer”

My first thought was one of indignation, why did she always doubt me, of course I got the mince out the freezer, that’s what I was asked to do.

The second thought to cross my mind was one of confusion, why was she texting me questions she could ask me in person if she got a her act together, came downstairs and got in the car, but I played along with her and replied “of course I did”

“Well done, I thought I’d do Cannelloni”

This time my first thought was “that was patronizing” followed by “Again she’s texting me driving home conversational questions”

And then I saw it, and the penny dropped, the clock in the car, displaying the current time, 16.12.

“Oh shit” I exclaimed in response, no wonder Kenny had made the comment about “slipping away early” I had, I had slipped away an hour early, but I couldn’t work out how I managed it, my desk phone, my laptop, my mobile, two wall clocks and a digital clock in the car, yet I was still sure it was time to go home.

After a few minutes pondering over my mistake, I came to a few conclusions, firstly accept that I had cocked up, after all what was done was done, second, returning to work was not an option, because I would be driving back to work in order to turn around and head straight back again.

And thirdly never tell Kenny the truth.

So, having established my position going forward I texted Linda

“I’m outside BTW, I’ll explain when I see you”

 

LAVA LAMP

My man is like a lava lamp

That’s what I said all right

He is quite nice to look at

But he’s just not very bright