Sunday, 10 January 2021

PRIVATE PARTS

A young man joined the army

And he was known as Private Parts

But he was never meant for soldiering

The was clear right from the start

 

He was always finding trouble

It followed wherever he went

And he was often in the glasshouse

Or taking corporal punishment

 

He became a Major catastrophe

With every action that he took

General disorder was now the norm

They must throw at him the book

 

But he met a girl in the catering corps

Who was known as the officer’s mess

Everything changed from that day on

As he asked her to wed and she said yes

 

They married as soon as could be arranged

Saying I do between labor pains

Her bridesmaids were from the cookhouse

And his best man was Seaman Stains

 

A Sergeant is what he has now become

And finding soldiering really suits

And the couple still happily married

And now they have four new recruits


I WONDER

 

Something I often wonder

Something I have to question

Why sterilize the needle

For a lethal injection

SENIOR MOMENT

 

I had a drink or two last night

  So, I thought it best not to drive

So, I decided to take a taxi home

  To make sure I got home alive

Next day I went to get my car

  My wife’s mini was on the drive

I got to the pub and I realized

  I now had two cars to drive?

Saturday, 9 January 2021

A QUESTION MR LINCOLN

 

Abraham once a question asked

He was heard an answer beg

How many legs does a dog have?

If you can call the tail a leg

All the assembled answer five

Shaking his head, he mutters no 

To call the creatures tail a leg

Will never ever make it be so

THE SLIPPERY POLE

 

Don’t make yourself essential

Don’t show your full potential

Never ever be irreplaceable

Or much worse be indispensable

For If they cannot replace you

They are unlikely to promote you

NOBBY AND THE JIG OF JOY

 

The first time I became aware of Nobby Stiles I was a young boy of ten and it was the world cup finals of 1966.

It would probably seem odd to many football fans that out of all the talent on show in England that summer, players like Pele, Beckenbauer or Eusabio, I was most impressed by the diminutive Manchester man, Nobby.

I have often wondered myself and I think that the great players had been much heralded in the lead up to the finals and they merely did what was expected of them but Nobby I had not heard of before he was different.

 

He tackled hard and was a tough no nonsense player who could read the game so well being blessed with great tactical awareness but my most enduring image’s of him was the toothless grin and his jig of joy after England won the world cup.

It was that victory dance showing his excitement and obvious love for the game.

It was seeing Nobby play that led me to support United as I still do today.

 

Norbert Peter Stiles was born in Collyhurst Manchester 18th may 1942 and he stood at the Stretford End like many a young lad and dreamt of playing for United but for him it came true.

For eleven years he played his Club football for Manchester United making his debut for them away at Bolton on 1st of October 1960.

Apart from winning the world cup with England in 1966 he won two League Championship medals with United and as In the 1966 World Cup Semi-Final against Portugal it was his job to stop Eusebio “the Black Panther” when united met Benfica in the 1968 European Cup Final which he did and added a European Cup winner's medal to his collection.

 

Nobby Stiles was and still is Man United through and through he returned to United in the 80’s as youth team coach were he brought on the likes of Giggs, Beckham and the Neville’s.

 

In 2000 his contribution to the game was finally recognized when he received an O.B.E. along with his other previously unrecognized England teammates from 1966.

 

Not before time.


A DOGS LIFE

 

I think the dog wants to go out

He doesn’t bark and he cannot shout

But I know that I’m not wrong

Because he’s got his hat and coat on