DID YOU KNOW THE REASON WHY

 

Did you know the reason why

Unattached women go to Wimbledon

It’s because they were told

There was a men's singles event on

IT WAS A GLORIOUS WEEK IN JUNE

 

It was a glorious week in June

And I wore my best ensemble

But after Day three at Wimbledon

I hadn’t seen a single Womble

IRONIC ADVERTISING

 

I fell about laughing when I saw Serena

In an ironic Advertisement for Tempur

As given her recent display of stress

It should have been a “bad Tempur” mattress

DID YOU KNOW THE REASON WHY

 

Did you know the reason why

Unattached women go to Wimbledon

It’s because they were told

There was a men's singles event on

NOBBY AND THE JIG OF JOY

 

The first time I became aware of Nobby Stiles I was a young boy of ten and it was the world cup finals of 1966.

It would probably seem odd to many football fans that out of all the talent on show in England that summer, players like Pele, Beckenbauer or Eusabio, I was most impressed by the diminutive Manchester man, Nobby.

I have often wondered myself and I think that the great players had been much heralded in the lead up to the finals and they merely did what was expected of them but Nobby I had not heard of before he was different.

 

He tackled hard and was a tough no nonsense player who could read the game so well being blessed with great tactical awareness but my most enduring image’s of him was the toothless grin and his jig of joy after England won the world cup.

It was that victory dance showing his excitement and obvious love for the game.

It was seeing Nobby play that led me to support United as I still do today.

 

Norbert Peter Stiles was born in Collyhurst Manchester 18^th may 1942 and he stood at the Stretford End like many a young lad and dreamt of playing for United but for him it came true.

For eleven years he played his Club football for Manchester United making his debut for them away at Bolton on 1^st of October 1960.

Apart from winning the world cup with England in 1966 he won two League Championship medals with United and as In the 1966 World Cup Semi-Final against Portugal it was his job to stop Eusebio “the Black Panther” when united met Benfica in the 1968 European Cup Final which he did and added a European Cup winner's medal to his collection.

 

Nobby Stiles was and still is Man United through and through he returned to United in the 80’s as youth team coach were he brought on the likes of Giggs, Beckham and the Neville’s.

 

In 2000 his contribution to the game was finally recognized when he received an O.B.E. along with his other previously unrecognized England teammates from 1966.

 

Not before time.

Oh Serena

OWN IT SERENA

It wasn’t sexist, and it wasn’t unfair
Nor was it racist Serena, let’s be fair
The truth is you threw a huge tantrum
Because you knew your day was done

MASSIVE OVEREACTION

Portraying Serena as an angry black woman
In the Herald Sun wasn’t racist in anyway
As she was Angry, and she is a black woman
And it was a caricature at the end of the day

A CARICATURE OF A RESPONSE

To exaggerate characteristics
For humorous effect is how
A Caricature is intended
It’s ironic the reaction to it
By Rowling and the like
Has also been exaggerated

A QUESTION OF SPORT

A GAME OF ARRA’S

Me and some friends
Fancied a game of darts
I said, “Nearest the bull
To see who starts”
Johnny went “Woof”
And I went “Baah”
Then Danny went “Moo”
He was the closest by far

GOOD OLD FIFA

Good old FIFA
Are getting very fat
With a fee for this
And a fee for that

A GAME OF ALL FOURS

When she suggested
A game of all fours
I thought that meant
Getting into her drawers
But no I was wrong
Which is a shame
It turns out “all fours”
Is just a card game


ACED

My uncle sadly died at Wimbledon
He was a killed by a tennis ball
I wasn’t too sad at the funeral
It was a lovely service after all

ARE YOU WEARING PLUS FOURS?

Are you wearing plus fours?
Well they look just the job
The tweeds with argyle socks
But you do look like a nob

ARE YOU WEARING PLUS TWOS?

Are you wearing plus twos?
Well listen, here’s the bad news
It looks as though the plus twos
Have fallen out with your shoes

ARE YOU WEARING OLYMPIC SUITS?

Are you wearing Olympic suits?
Well you’re looking very smart
You’re Essex lads aren’t you?
I bet you can’t wait for it to start
You will show to the world at large
That you have good hearts
When you’re lighting the torches
Show us you possess some smarts
For I hope there is more to you
When the 2012 Olympiad starts
Than dropping your tailored trousers
And lighting up your farts

OK MY LITTLE SEX POODLE

“Ok my little sex poodle
Get up those stairs right now
Quickly get up those stairs
You horny little cow”

“Oh you sweet talker
You have the gift and how
I’m your spanky sex poodle
I’m your willing little frau”

“No I mean it get upstairs
You don’t have to kowtow
Just get upstairs without delay
The match is starting now”

THE BEST IN THE WORLD

I wont hear a word against our tennis players
It’s true that they certainly have their detractors
But I have always thought British players
Make truly world-class tennis commentators

YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM TV

Fed up of missing his favourite shows on TV
Young Ben wanted was his own telly
“Could I have a telly in my room dad”?
Reluctantly Dad said yes to the lad
Ben stayed in his room the first night
Next morning he gave his parents a fright
He asked his them “what is love juice?”
His mother left making some feeble excuse
Leaving his Dad to explain the basics
Of sexual intercourse and its mechanics
The boy sat in open mouthed amazement
Dad asked him after his embarrassment
“Exactly what program did you have on?”
The boy replied "I was watching Wimbledon"